你是否感到困惑？茫然？不知所措？结局是否给你留下了更多疑问而非答案？别再寻找了！坐下来，放松一下，来阅读这份《生化奇兵：无限》剧情的完全严肃叙事指南。 那座高塔般的建筑里有一盏巨大的灯

如图：上述房屋 那是一个漆黑的暴风雨夜，三个男人坐在划艇里，在漆黑汹涌的水面上奋力划行。这便是布格尔·迪姆维特——持证的“Gigma Male”™，几乎能斩杀任何人的强者，传说中的英雄——的故事开端。至少，是这个传说的开端。说实话，我完全搞不懂你为什么要读这堆废话，但每个人都有自己的喜好，管他呢。说到“喜好”，你有什么特别的偏好吗？要是我这糟糕的语法让你受不了，尽管告诉我。 总之，这三个人划着他们那破破烂烂的小划艇，朝着一座高耸的亮着灯的房子驶去，方便起见，房子的图片已在上方给出。实际上，只有一个人在划船，另外两个人则在一旁争吵。我们的主角则坐在船尾，偶尔冒出些“嘿！我们到底到了没啊？”之类的“高见”。两位向导一边划船，一边时不时精神失常般地聊着划船、哲学之类的东西，其中一人递给布鲁德一个箱子，里面装满了枪支和照片，在除俄罗斯之外的任何国家，这些东西都足以让他当场被捕。显然，布鲁德的任务是绑架——或者说“营救”一个女孩，并把她带到纽约。我实在搞不懂，布鲁德都进行到这一步了，怎么会还不知道自己受雇要做什么，但平心而论，这倒是把他那“超群”的智商刻画得淋漓尽致。最终他们到达了码头，《雨中曲》里的临时演员说了些莫名其妙的鬼话，布格尔在那对活宝双胞胎又开始耍贫嘴之前赶紧溜了。现在回想起来，其中一个其实是女的。该死，我还以为自己记得更清楚呢。 好了，这是最后一个不准确的地方，从现在开始所有内容都是100%准确的。

如图所示：我们的英雄，按其实际尺寸描绘 抵达那栋高大房屋的脚下，我们的英雄接到了他的第一个任务：

显然这是不可能的，所以他决定暂时先按绑架的计划来。塔内有一个水盆，上面刻着“洗清你的罪孽”之类的字样。博弗尔对着水面照了照自己轮廓分明的下巴，说道：“祝你好运，伙计。”这暗示着巴格尔可能有着黑暗的过去，体现出他神秘又叛逆的特质。他像个邋遢的坏家伙一样，没洗那双脏手就决定爬上更高的楼层。在楼上，他发现一具尸体坐在椅子上，但奇怪的是，博克的反应就好像这具尸体要用税务审计来威胁他一样。旁边还有一条用血之类的东西写的留言：“把女孩带来，否则后果自负。”大概是这么写的，我记不太清了。博格特向来对周遭环境十分敏感，他注意到了那条信息，像刚学认字的小孩第一次读苏斯博士的书一样，一字一顿地拼读着。这位胆小的主角克服了自己的文盲状态和突然发作的精神错乱，终于登上了那座发光房屋的顶端。在那里，有一条走道环绕着一盏巨大的灯。 不知为何，那里还放着一组刻有符号的三铃钟。博格特继续着他的“幼儿式训练”，笨拙地按照那张神秘雇主明智地塞进他“绑架工具包”里的 cheat sheet 上的图案，挨个敲响铃铛。随后，传来一阵仿佛上帝和克苏鲁发生轻微车祸般的声响，那盏巨大的灯便缩进了圆形走道中央那座小型玻璃屋区域的地板里。一把配有铁镣铐的大椅子出现在那里。不知为何，布格尔决定坐上这把椅子，尽管有某些情境线索提示，但当束缚装置将他困住时，他还是完全震惊不已。这把椅子显然是经典卡通片的爱好者，它把布格尔倒过来并开始摇晃。幸运的是，布格尔从不把枪收进枪套，而是喜欢随手塞在各处，他新获得的那把枪掉进了地板上的几个大齿轮里，被碾得粉碎。安息吧，最好的枪，从未开火，也永不被遗忘。 接着，椅子变成了一枚火箭，将布格尔发射到了平流层。附言（忽略此部分）：雇佣鲍瑟的人把那个死人带到灯塔是专门为了杀他，还是他本来就在那里然后被他们发现了？他是不是之前那个绑架女孩失败的雇佣兵？如果是的话，他为什么会在灯塔下面？他是不是逃跑了，但在灯塔被雇主抓住了？他真的能逃到灯塔吗？火箭是可重复使用的吗？仔细想想，这些人到底为什么要杀那个死人？难道他们只是因为不相干的原因生他的气，然后决定在博格开始工作前吓吓他？为什么只有这座只能容纳一个单人火箭的灯塔是前往气球岛的唯一途径？你可能以为这些问题在故事结尾会有答案，但实际上并没有。我有95%的把握它们不会。85%吧。相当确定。实际上我不记得了。 巨型气球 如果你允许我进行最简短的动漫式回忆，我现在就会立刻解释布格尔刚刚被轰进了平流层的哪个奇怪且带有种族歧视色彩的角落。 基本上，很久以前，有个叫康斯托克的家伙。当时，康斯托克得到了天使哥伦比亚的启示，天使告诉他：“嘿，你应该建造一种类似方舟的东西，因为人们很愚蠢，上帝不喜欢他们。不过上帝喜欢你。还有，让它飞起来。”于是他建造了一座城市，并让它飞了起来。 那就是哥伦比亚。

如图：哥伦比亚的真实照片 没错，这座城市会飞，诸如此类，相当酷炫。然而查德斯托克并不满足于挑战物理定律（记住，这是无神论者的蹩脚发明）。他建造了这座城市，然后说：“不，你们知道吗？去他的矩阵。去他的所有人。所有想变得强大且信仰坚定的人，跟我来。”

没错，有些人追随他之类的，挺酷的。而且他们都相信他讲的这个故事（其实就是我现在跟你讲的这个）。如果你不信——如果你很离谱——就会被踢出服务器。这意味着你会从三千英尺高空坠落而死。当然，即便是肮脏的罪人，也总能遵循克洛克罗克老爹的“三步净化计划”： 1：要么服从我，要么去死。 2：美国是最棒的国家；乔治·华盛顿是上帝的弟弟。 3：枪支很棒（向所有不喜欢我的人开枪）。 所以，哥伦比亚的居民都是一群敬畏上帝、随身携带枪支、谦逊务实、正直高尚且生活在浮空城市的勤劳民众，他们比以往任何人都更加纯洁和有道德。 另外，酒能赋予你超能力，而且每个人都喝。

1969 Colombia Rassle & Fair In which there is a racism Now that I've taken my infodump, we can get back to the action! Gray clouds and whirling winds whip past Bogeyman's rocket pod chair thing, lashing it with rain and flashing with forked lightning. The whine of the Walmart-bought rocket engine steadily increases in pitch until it seems it simply must give out--at which point the pod bursts through the clouds. We drift slowly past banks of puffy white paradise, past old-timey buildings and giant posters of your grandpa, and all the while Sigourney Weaver rattles off the tourism pamphlet. Gamers agree it's a magical moment. For some reason, there's some sort of building that catches our pod and lowers it down into the loading screen entrance area. The doors open, the restraints disengage, and the notorious B.O.G. steps out into this new world, all Buzz Armstrong-like. The moment is however punctured thanks to said step occurring directly in a pool of water. As we all know--and as Albert Einstein so famously confirmed--socks once wet tend to stay at wet. This is the law of aquatic exchange. So Bigby has wet socks for the rest of the game, perhaps explaining the kneecapped cognitive capacities displayed by him therein. Hey, wet socks are distracting. It turns out the landing area is entirely flooded. Just the whole thing. Not deeply enough to be fun, mind you, just like a few inches, just enough to ensoggen your shoes and make you miserable. Also, there's a bunch of candles everywhere, and pseudo-religious sculptures of Ben Franklin (what happens if the candles get splashed? Do they have backup candles?) There's also a guy who stands near the stairs, just chilling in the water. Maybe he relights the candles? Blabber loudly asks him some questions before realizing he should probably blend in (evidently forgetting he's currently wearing the equivalent of a neon sign when compared with the residents' white robes). The whole area resembles some sort of church or cathedral, just flooded and filled with fire hazards, and with pictures of Grandpa instead of Jesus. Anyhow, Booger stumbles and blumbles his soggy way into a big hall-type-area, in which other people seem to also be arriving, although they're all wearing white robes.* Meanwhile there's an old crusty preacher dude who's yelling his lungs out talking about how great Big Grandpa is. It's pretty funny actually--if you just sit there and wait he just keeps getting louder and more impassioned until he sounds like he's about to explode. Anyhow, Booger's like, "Hey! Me need get through there now!" Then the priest guy is like, "Hold up, wait a minute, who dis?" "Uhh. No, no one. None-one. Yeah." Priest sits there for a second more, cogitating, then says, "My son, you must be bathedtised in yon waters of bathism before thee can enter in the kingdom of holiness!" or something to that effect. Booger, being the grubby dirtmeister he is, initially refuses even the thought of a bath, but after walking around a bit he realizes this is a scripted event and he has to do it. So then the old guy grabs Goober and, despite being at least forty years older than our strapping hero, manhandles him under the water and proceeds to waterboard the new arrival for seemingly no reason. I'm not even exaggerating here either--he even acts all smug and evil, like, "Oh boy, looks like our pal here ain't quite clean yet, ain't that right boys! Well, looks like we'll have to dunkee kindly!" Some mafia-boss hillbilly thug type ♥♥♥♥. Next thing we know, Bogoth wakes up to the glorious sight of Benji Franklin's majestic, eagle-like nose poring down upon him, offering him a brass sword of righteous fury. After a minute or two of tugging, however, it becomes apparent the thing is welded to the founding father, who--after a minute or two of looking--it becomes apparent is actually a large marble statue. "♥♥♥♥," Booger yells, nursing his head. "That guy needs to learn the difference between baptizing a man and drowning him. Bazinga!" Strangely, none of the white-robed pilgrims nearby deign to laugh at Booger's hilarious joke, which of course only makes him more determined to commit kidnapping. Kidnapping in exchange for money, that is. Yeah. He's basically a human trafficker. Anywho, there's a big parade and a big fair, filled with games and prizes and whatnot. "Sweet!" Booger exclaims, as he repeatedly wastes valuable time by playing games designed for children. I mean, come on, who would ever take time out of their ever-dwindling lifespan to play dumb games that offer nothing other than momentary entertainment? Oh ♥♥♥♥. Uh...anyway. So there's a big fair and stuff. We get some worldbuilding and some gameplay tutorials, and some nice fair-type lady even hands Booger a bottle of Bigor. I mean Vigor. Like the absolute lout of an organism he is, he immediately unstops it and chugs down the entire bottle for no reason. Not addicted. Uh-huh. He can stop whenever he wants to. Suuure. But it's all good because turns out it gives you superpowers, and now Booger has the ability to bend man and machine alike to his brutish will. She doesn't know it yet, but that lady just had what could be called an "art school moment." Surely this one won't have any kind of horrible, violent consequences! By the way, the pair of gingers from the rowboat show up and make Booger flip a coin for some reason. They flip a coin, ask him to call it. He gets it wrong. Moving along. Shouting and music can be heard as Booger winds his way through the area, eventually arriving in a park-type-place filled with lots of peepo. Some chick gives him a powerball for the raffle lottery, and Booger's like "Nah, I'm broke," but she's like, "♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ idiot, can't you read, it's free." So then he takes a ball and it's number 77, and what do you know the big announcer guy is like "Hey guys! Guess what? It's number 77!" so Boogers is like, "Well, ♥♥♥♥." The crowd's cheering, the wind's blowing, the curtains are unraveling and oh no. The prize is racism. Boomer goes to throw his ball, but whether toward the tied-up couple or Adolf Wonka we can't be sure, for a conveniently-placed policeman suddenly appears and grabs his hand. Apparently he saw the Satan mark on it? In any case the cops try to kill our intrepid powerballer with a big spinny thing, but make the critical error of underestimating their quarry's kung-fu abilities. Cop 1 gets a skeletal remodeling while 2 gets brutally beaten to death. Now that he's loaded up on stolen weaponry, Booger has achieved his final form and is now a walking genocide. Suffice it to say CPD has a lot of recruiting to do by the time Booger reaches the gates of the next area, where he meets a normal fireman.

如图：一名普通消防员 这位正直的急救人员压下恐惧（可能还嗑了不少药），冲向布格尔，决心终结他的死亡暴行。但不幸的是，关卡设计师在这段设计上出了岔子，所以布格尔就待在门外，开枪将他射杀。然后他用盐™补充了魔力。

如图：布格尔每3.7秒一次 附言：哦，对了。之前有一张大海报，上面画着伪牧羊人撒旦的手，上面刻着字母“AD”。奇怪的是，布格尔的手上也有同样的标记。真的太诡异了…… 它们是怎么到那里的？还有其他装有火箭椅的灯塔吗？它们是如何导航到哥伦比亚的？或者更像是公交站的情况，你必须在它经过的时候在那里？实际上，之前的号角信号似乎表明是灯塔发出信号，让哥伦比亚号过来接住火箭椅。或者也许其他人根本不是新来的。也许他们只是来参观的，而且这个地方只有一个入口。生菜双胞胎 约翰· halo获得能量护盾 在以战争罪的方式额外干掉了八十七名守卫后，布格尔开始感到饥饿。他看到附近有一家不错的餐厅，于是走了进去，想看看能不能从里面的人那里抢几根长面包。结果——你可能会很惊讶——不知为何，姜汁汽水双胞胎也在那里。布格尔找到了一些补给，而且——如果他购买了DLC的话——还有一大堆升级和装备™：“不，妈妈，这不是角色扮演！我只是在收集我的装备™！”先不管这些娘娘腔的爱好，布格尔还接受了分身衣架们用银盘呈上的最后一道“菜”。经过几分钟徒劳的咀嚼，布格尔意识到这个东西实际上是一个磁力护盾，可以像初代钢铁侠那样反弹子弹。这里的“领悟”，我的意思是“安静坐着听更聪明的人给他解释”。于是，生菜双胞胎将他们最强大的力量赐予了这位散发着异味、穿着湿袜子的奇才，进一步增强了他的破坏潜力。

必备图片。 种族主义俱乐部 就像得克萨斯州，但规模更小 德克尔一身潮酷装扮，离开餐厅，继续穿过庭院前行。途中他还干掉了更多守卫之类的，还出现了类似《半条命2》里的场景——他把警察引到了无辜路人身上。哎呀！ 最终，布格尔来到一座巨大、看起来充满邪恶气息的建筑前，这建筑似乎仅凭存在就能让太阳黯淡无光。在杀掉第二个消防员后，他摇摇晃晃地走过“雅利安至尊”与“异邦巨蛇”战斗的大型雕像，完全没注意到天空以最直白的方式呼应着这一微妙的伏笔，形成了一个或许并非有意为之的视觉双关。建筑物内到处都是鸟和鸟粪，如果你在入口区域的左侧四处看看，还能发现一些钱，仅供参考。总之，这座建筑是一个邪教组织的总部，该组织致力于崇拜种族主义，以及约翰·威尔克斯·布斯——因为他刺杀了林肯，而林肯签署了《解放奴隶宣言》，总体来说，林肯的行为并不带有种族主义色彩。此外，这个邪教组织还对克罗克夫人（康索斯的妻子）极为痴迷。

高舔狗巫师巴利摆出他最爱的动漫姿势 弹匣哥在第二次大规模射击中一路冲杀——这次的目标是种族主义舔狗民兵，这几乎让他弥补了在哥伦比亚之地短暂时间内犯下的所有可怕行径。 还有一个乌鸦人小 boss，表面上看他就是这栋建筑出现鸟类灾害的原因。波波拍了拍屁股，继续搜刮他那双脏手能碰到的每一个小盒子、橱柜和垃圾桶。好多钱啊！他肯定很快就能买到些有价值的东西了，对吧？ 对吧？ 哥伦比亚平均通勤 这就像那次我爬上铁轨一样 在清空了 Klubhouse 后，鼻涕虫继续前往他的倒数第二个目的地：一座巨大的女士雕像，还有翅膀。然而，他和那座雕像之间隔着相当一段令人头疼的空旷距离。要跨越这片绝对致命的鸿沟，他要么需要一对翅膀、一个喷气背包，要么就得拥有巅峰时期迈克尔·乔丹的弹跳力。 当然，除此之外，他也可以使用他的“胡扯发生器”沿着哥伦比亚的“人行横道”（也就是悬浮金属轨道）快速移动。不幸的是，哥伦比亚的交通规划师当时肯定忙着吸毒，没好好干活——要么就是他是个意大利面狂热爱好者，决定在公共交通系统这块“画布”上复制他最爱的意大利面里那种乱糟糟的结。呵，这么看来，哥伦比亚还真不愧是美国的地盘。 因此，沿着所谓的“正确路线”前进，用我们这行的话说，简直就是“蛋疼”。然而，霍加斯却展现出内心的“高斯林”特质，选择无视基本的社会规范和所有已知的交通法规，转而信奉【气场】，所到之处只留下一片狼藉和一个糟糕的梗。

Two house invasions later, Bogarth reaches a certain spot that is there for some reason, probably. There's a boatload of soldiers, but Cockstock tells them to stand down for some reason. Possibly he just wanted to flex on Booger by showing he can make people listen to him without threatening them with a gun. Naturally, Booger shoots them all anyway, possibly just to flex on Crockstock by showing he doesn't understand a word he just said. After the single slowest elevator ride in history (during which Santa Claus gives another boring speech which more or less amounts to: you're dumb and bad and I'm cool), Crockhead launches a barrage of missiles at Booger, making me question his earlier lack of missile utilization. Maybe he just wanted a chance to roast his archnemesis. Drawing on his training in the restaurants of Mexico, Boofer handles the fiery blasts like a pro, then jumps onto the Pope's blimp. Foolishly, Francis had chosen to pass Booger's building (is it a dock maybe?) extremely closely, making this effort no challenge at all, and pretty soon Booger takes command of the vehicle, though it turns out the Pope himself got away and/or wasn't ever in the blimp in the first place. Sticking to his penchant for unnecessary proximity to his enemies, Frank takes the opportunity to fly right in front of Booger's new wheels on a much smaller ship and drop the hardest line in the game. "God forgives all. But I'm just a prophet. So I don't have to. Amen." Seriously, who wrote this? Kenny, was this yours? Stop making your space bible game for a second and explain yourself. At that moment, a small, primitive part of Booger's brain realizes that he should shoot something right about now. I mean, he's right there! No way the glass is bulletproof either. But alas, Booget misinterprets this impulse and instead attempts to shoot an innocent, torch-holding woman standing nearby. Heroically, she immediately sacrifices herself in an attempt to stop Booger before it's too late for the rest of human civilization. Unfortunately for her, Biggar's aforementioned toilet training was too extensive, and he again endures the sulfurous explosions with ease. Dashing to the conveniently open cargo hold, Biggie Cheese leaps from the burning blimp, falls three hundred feet and catches himself with his Plot-O-Tron on a conveniently placed floating rail. By manipulating the quantum uncertainty inherent in all fiction, you see, the miraculous device on his left arm is able to put plot holes into a superposition--is it stupid or are you stupid? Thusly it dismisses both thousands upon thousands of joules of Booger-crushing energy and an equal number of so-called "criticisms." Really something, those Weasley twins. Landing safely at the base of the tower-area-type-place, our hero takes a moment to buy an upgrade from a vending machine, watching with eager eyes as it immediately jams and becomes lost to him forever. Not only that, but Booger is now broke AF, having blown literally all of his money on the now-estranged upgrade. After raging impotently, crying like a baby, and experiencing an existential crisis,* he at last decides to valiantly press on into the depths of the tower. But...uh...then there is a mystery! WHO is hiding in the tower? And WHY are they hiding there? And WHEN can I see the kids again? Questions that can only be answered by subjecting your brain to an additional helping of the literary sludge that is this guide. Question of the Day (Ignore This Part): Is it sad the flying racism simulator has better public transit than the IRL USA? *Only kidding of course. Booger's brain is far too small to experience an existential crisis. The Statue of Captivity Hold on, this isn't Disneyland Our intrepid hero presses onward, scorning fear and reason alike as he delves deep into the eerie reaches of the Foyer. Inside, there's a bit of a mess and a distinct lack of people. What is present is an audio-diary type thing that the janitor (slave?) made. That's a thing by the way--one of the inventions Codstomp revealed at E3 was this portable recording device that must have some incredible anti-scratch coating, considering the thing uses vinyl discs. Basically, it's like autobiographical Audible, but ambulatory.* Now, Booger makes it a point to listen to these Story Compensators...at least initially, until he realizes that the frequency of firefights makes listening to the distorted audio stories completely untenable excepting an extended stop--which, as a gamer, is more repellent than even a grass-scented shower. Repellent to Booger, I mean. Just to clarify. At last ascertaining that the aforementioned disc-shaped object isn't actually a demo CD, B-boy zones out and continues waddling through the abandoned tower. He comes across strange, creepy rooms filled with stalker merch: sneaky photos still chilling in red light even though they're already exposed, creepy recordings, that kind of ♥♥♥♥. A grinding noise is heard as cogs turn, the complex cognitive machinery of Swamp's brain finally putting two and two together. "They're... watching her!" our noble hero exclaims, obviously appalled. "Wow, they are," his extradimensional puppeteer agrees, or something like that. Beyond these bonafide FBI-at-home stakeouts, there lies a loud and large room dominated by lots of Tesla coils, and or very large speakers. It's kind of hard to tell, honestly. Arcs of electricity chase each other through the air, dancing between pylons. There is also another stalker exhibit, complete with crackhead charts, that seems to be very preoccupied with "the subject's" menstrual cycle. Why you would put such a thing in the lightning room rather than the ready-made stalker closets, I have little idea. There's also a little lever that teleports a teapot or something. Bogger doesn't know what to make of it, so he moves on without comment. Apparently, a photograph was worthy of verbal remark, but not an earth-shattering technology like teleportation. Truly, great minds work in mysterious ways. Past that, there is a loading screen an elevator. Exiting this, our hero finds himself in some sort of back access area--a long and frankly impractical series of hallways and catwalks that provide access to various doors, although for some reason they are split up such that one is required to enter a door, travel in the area beyond, then use a second door should they want to simply travel forward. Downright accommodating of Cockhead to design his tower with scripted sequences in mind, don't you think? But through the first of these ordinal doors Booger goes, and what does he find behind it? An observation area, complete with one-way glass. Beyond this particular pane, a girl happens to be doing stuff (painting or something?) Yeah, painting. I think that was it. She's painting a painting of the Eifel tower, then casually rips open a portal in midair. Through the space-hole we can see what looks to be a Parisian theater playing Ewok Movie: Luke is Here Too. Before she can go through it, however, a firetruck swerves toward the glowy space portal, gunning for that Splatter medal. The girl pulls the portal closed just in time, then immediately wanders off. At that moment, the automated scriptometers installed in the next door decide it's time to unlock, and Booger hurries out onto the next stretch of poorly designed catwalk. He then repeats this process several times, in each instance hurrying after the girl so he can continue spying on her. Seriously, someone tell him they haven't added Peeping Tom yet. Eventually there is another elevator, which for some reason leads to a very large metal plate suspended by chains. Presumably, this is yet another, more steampunker elevator. There is no visible button, lever, or control interface to lower this person-platter. Luckily, Booger is so dense that he can even overcome the barrier between figurative and literal density; the massive metal chains immediately snap like twigs upon his stepping foot on their bronzed burden. Lager falls some thirty feet to the hardwood floor below, but--like the indomitable monster he is--merely shakes it off. With his observant eye, he notices that the room is some kind of nerd area, filled with lots of books and boring stuff. Suddenly, a nerd worms their way out of the woodwork and assaults him with one of the brick-like books! While things could well have taken a dark turn at this point, considering Booger's homicidal tendencies, his bogwatered brain is able to recognize an essential fact: this particular nerd is actually the girl he was spying on earlier, who must of course be the "subject" featured so prominently in the stalker merch! The stalker magnet introduces herself as Elizabeth and stops trying to kill Booker. Rookie mistake, am I right? But Booger quickly appeals to her desire to escape--rightly. Fair to say it's a bad environment, filled with bad people. I mean, what kind of freak would spy on someone like that? Oh, uh... anyway. There is a loud, pee-producing noise, and E-girl explains, without actually explaining anything, that they really must leave ASAP. Unfortunately, the door is locked. Our gallant and very privacy-conscious hero produces a key he got from the box he got from the Weasley twins earlier and undocks the loor. All seems on the up-and-up, and Booger begins to feel pretty good about himself. Unfortunately for him, this is where he meets Bord.

博德。 不用说，布格尔立刻被这只体型庞大、羽毛覆盖的鸟类超级掠食者吓得屁滚尿流，仓皇逃窜。而这只猛禽随即开始像撕单层卫生纸一样拆毁塔楼。我是说，他们到底喂它吃了什么？可能是霸王龙吧，但他们从哪儿弄来的霸王龙？ 不知为何，爱丽丝明明之前从未离开过自己的套房，却准确地知道该往哪里逃才能离开塔楼。也许她在某本书里找到了大楼的蓝图？沃格勒跟在她身后跌跌撞撞，在倾斜的、如同舞台布景般的环境中笨拙地挪动，而“小鸟”则同时违反了职业安全与健康管理局和日内瓦公约的规定。最终，两人踏上了一条极其危险且护栏简陋的走道。与其说这是走道，不如说是敷衍了事弄出来的假走道，被螺栓固定在巨大的天使雕像女士侧面（我要提醒那些和布格尔一样观察力的人，这里也是塔楼区域）。他们或许正在朝某个地方奔跑。但突然，塔楼猛地一震——也许是害怕伯迪本人——两人随即被抛入高空，开始了一场《光环3》式的自由落体。 我们的英雄们将如何在这样的坠落中幸存下来？那只巨大的死亡鸽子究竟是什么？它为什么要追杀他们？还有，我把我的黑钱埋在哪里了？律师可是很贵的，伙计们！ 请继续关注“中风频道”，了解这些以及其他令人头秃的问题。咱们就当我前几章在跟你念叨那个集市的时候，没忘了提这事儿哈。 大尿坑 沙滩就是假新闻，不过是更多觉醒派的宣传罢了 主角们从如画的天空中坠落，这一幕简直就是预告片里的场景，只是稍微有点不一样——因为开发者们得在引擎里重新制作，而不是搞一个定制动画。 从几百英尺的高空坠落，布格尔（Booger）怒吼着反抗：“呜——哦——！” 至少听起来是这样，我觉得。艾哈特（Airheart）也在喊，但更像是“啊——！” 幸运的是，他们正好经过金门大桥，而更幸运的是，桥上正好有一个之前提到过的那种悬浮轨道装置。布格尔熟练地朝埃克斯拉克斯移动过去，抓住了她的手之类的。他准备好自己的“剧情推进器9000”，借助磁力吸附在了经过的轨道上。*要让两个人完全停止 momentum 所产生的巨大动能冲击，几乎要把波杰克的胳膊扯下来，但他轻松地保持住了抓握，展现出令人不安的强大身体素质。两人的终端速度被安全转化，他们意识到自己没事后，尖叫声也渐渐平息了！然后轨道塌了。显然，迪姆维特的紧急减速对这个大型结构来说负荷太大了（不过这有点奇怪，因为这轨道除了偶尔有气球外，基本是漂浮着的）。更糟的是，博德又追上来了，他俯冲轰炸着除了轰炸机本人之外的一切。或许他只是终于能追逐什么而感到异常兴奋。先不说这可爱的热情，博德俯冲轰炸了桥梁并将其摧毁。或者他可能只是弄坏了栏杆之类的东西。不管怎样，贝蒂和巴特尔瑟再次坠入深渊，面临必死的命运。一片蓝色的水域以致命的速度朝他们涌来。 随着一阵气泡翻腾，布吉死了。 开个玩笑。显然哥伦比亚的水源来自Mojang，因为这里似乎完全不遵循“物理定律”。因此，水安全地缓冲了邦沃特的坠落。接着是一个突然的惊吓。

Said jumpscare. Yes, I'm too lazy to make another picture. However, Chicken got his contact lenses from Temu, so they start cracking and imploding faster than the Titan DoomCan itself, despite the fact Booger and his killer bird boy are only in like 12 feet of water tops. So it is that Founding Feather has to fly away, but not before giving Blubber a bit of a cheeky smack. With a slightly smaller explosion of bubbles, Boogie dies. Fr fr ong He awakes in a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ office painted in Xbox 360 beige, sitting at a bottle-strewn desk. Turns out, everything I just told you was actually a dream and didn't happen. Booger immediately attempts to drink from the nearest bottle, which is obviously already empty. Before he can do so much as swear, there comes a knock at the door, and a suspiciously distorted voice yelling, "Give us the girl and wipe away the debt! Mist-er Dim-witt! Open this door! Mister Dimwitt!" Stuff like that. More knocking ensues. "What the hell," the dimwit in question mumbles. He might actually ask the door person who they are and or what they want, I can't really remember. But he does for sure waddle over to the door. A door containing a glass pane printed with the words "Booker Dewitt, Private Investigations/Private Eye/Detective/whatever" Before we can figure out who exactly this Booker guy is, our intrepid illiterate opens the door. Rather than a hallway, a blinding flash of light flares in his vision. I know what you're thinking, and no, he didn't get swatted. Booger awakes again, this time on a beach kind of area. I guess the door resurrected him? It's also possible that whole office scene was a hallucination and or dream and or flashback, but as you'll soon see the resurrection hypothesis is pretty much confirmed. How and why the astral office resurrects Booger is just one of the many mysteries present in this epic narrative, which will surely receive a satisfying explanation in due course. In any case, turns out that thing I just told you about how everything I just told you wasn't true wasn't true, and that stuff did actually happen. Probably. Elizabreath is there too, on the beach area, and she's like, "Wow Mister Dimwitt, check this place out! Wow, Mister Dimwitt, is that music? That's music! Can I go wander off please?" And Booger, whose resurrection tolerance is apparently much lower than his Quirky™ companion, is like, "Fine, whatever." Then he blacks out again. I guess even his brick of a head can't just shake off a kilometer-long drop into water, which of course is pretty much equivalent to a kilometer-long drop into cement. Of course, this isn't quite regular water, as aforementioned, so maybe it was somewhere in between. A 500-meter-long drop into gelatin? When he awakes (for the third time this section, for those of you counting along at home), the sun is lower and stuff. Pretty atmospheric. He has a "stove moment" when he realizes that maybe letting the single most wanted person in Columbia just kind of wander off unattended is probably a bad idea. Therefore, he rushes through the carefully crafted environment, completely disregarding the diegetic exposition, carefully couched worldbuilding, scripted animations, and general aesthetic of the level around him. He doesn't even stop to pick up the voxophone hidden on the far left side of the stretch, opposite the beach, behind one of the cart-stand things dotting that area. Probably, this is for the best, seeing as the entire area is riddled with Amish Impostors: I Can't Believe We're Not Amish! Now With 42.0% More Racism! Turns out Extrabismuth is still just dancing, presumably in the same exact spot as the previous however-many-hours-Bootleg's-brain-was-fried-for. Volkswagen belligerates his way through the crowd and says something like, "Eli!" Eliza is like, "I'm still dancing!" And then he's like, "ELI!" And she's like, "Oh wow, Mister Ducktwit! You should totally dance with me!" "No..." Confused by his lack of enthusiasm, Lizardbooth is like, "But this is totally amazing! There's like, fresh air and stuff, and music, and people are here too." "People are here," Boomer agrees, trigger finger twitching ominously. "But what about if we go to Ratatouille Land and see that Ewok movie?" He thusly stumbles onto the correct incentive--and thanks to a stroke of interpretive genius on Eleigh's part, she understands what he meant. "Paris?! But, like, how, would we, like, do that?" Suddenly, a plot blimp passes by in the sky behind her. Bookbinding points his thick, stubby finger toward the new shiny thing. "What 'bout blimp?" "Like, Blimp is, like, totally cool." So they leave the beach area, which it turns out is fake, with the water being pumped through pipes. Beyond it is a building area, where there is a shop and stuff. After an awkward but missable moment involving segregation and the bathroom (this has been your Hourly Racism Reminder), our favorite Gruff Protector/Innocent McGuffin duo make their way through to the ticket desk, or maybe it's more like a security booth kind of thing, or something. There's some redhead chick who bumps into Ellie and says, "Oh wow, Jeff! Crazy meeting you here!" And Ellie's like, "I'm like, not like named Jeff, though. I'm actually Elizabeth McGuffin." Then the redhead is like, "I see. Interesting... HMMM..." And moves on. Joel, evidently still feeling the effects of his TGI**, notices nothing unusual about this interaction. In the ticket/security/checkpoint area itself, Billy goes up and asks for two tickets, please. But the ticket guy's on the old-timey telephone, saying stuff like, "Yeah, they're here." "Hurry it up pal," Booger says. Then he finally notices how all of their fellow occupants are suspiciously waiting around doing nothing. With another grinding noise, he puts two and two together. "Five!" They all whip out guns and attack. *Magnetotism: Like magnetism, but more comic-booky. **Traumautic Golfclub Injury P-WeeTSD fun for the whole family And when I say they all attack, what I mean to say is that Blooger commits another mass massacre. Unleashing his pent-up bloodlust, our hero ruthlessly slaughters all of the people present. Of course, most of those people were actually undercover cops, so maybe it's morally OK. Horrified by the violence, Jenny runs away, fleeing in abject terror from the murderous man in the rumpled vest. Blaggert pursues her, blasting more meat on the way. Eventually, he corners her in a gondola thing and pushes the metal stick to get it going, something Nettlehead was evidently unable to accomplish. Stress makes you dumb I guess. In the slow-moving, script-driven gondola, there is exactly the right amount of time for a nice, character-building conversation. It goes something like this: "Y-you killed all those people! You're a monster!" "Duh." Then Bluebell bandages Gockspittle's hand, depending on whether he shot first or second.* Now is a good time to mention that she wears this silver thimble thingy over her missing pinky finger, which she twists as a nervous tic.** The gondola clunks home and unleashes Blog Enthusiast onto a fresh killing ground. This one happens to be some sort of theme park area, which--as Mary explains--is indeed a theme park, though one with the express intention of brainwashing young children. Just imagine if real theme parks exploited the naivete of children for the sake of unscrupulous shareholder interests! We're lucky corporations like Disney are such family-friendly, conscientious companies completely free from the taint of greed. Wait, where was I? Oh yeah. Presently we pass a clump of the little brainwashed blighters lollygagging around a stage, upon which dance two caricatured characters: an Aryian poster-boy-type thing, and some stupid bumbling baffoon. "Oh, look! I always heard about these growing up, even though supposedly I never left my tower." Booger delivers a blank look; Salamaider, an incredulous one. "You're telling me you've never heard of Duke and Dimwit?" Arduous cogitation ensues. "No, don't think so. Must be a Columbia thing," Booger grumbles. A pause. "What'd you call the dumb-looking one again?" "Dimwit. Oh..." Booger scowls and pushes through the gaggle of young children irritably. Actually, I don't remember if Merriam explains the point of the place or if we just kind of figure that out. In either case, our duo needs to reach the plot blimp they saw earlier. Otherwise, how is Bigger supposed to kidnap his new friend? And in order to reach the plot blimp, they need to get through the theme park. So it is that, an astoundingly short time after their arrival, Bincome Tax enters a shootout in the busy area, kids and their fragile bodies be damned.

“那些小混蛋可以接住这些子弹。”——布格尔·迪威特 布格尔在经历了一段愉快的杀戮和掠夺（如果你想知道的话，包括尸体和附近的店面）后，感到精神焕发，急切地向剧情飞艇岛进发。那座岛漂浮在不远处，靠近周围的积云。幸运的是，一艘贡多拉船正方便地停在那里，等着载他们过去。然而，他们随后遇到了一个问题。这艘贡多拉船没有动力，需要一块电池。而且，所需的这块电池实际上根本不是普通电池，而是冷袜公司自己的专有品牌电池：袜子骑师。我是说，电击锁。格洛克曲棍球。棚屋曲棍球。高射炮曲棍球。 这就像是电击液。 希恩先开的枪。把这个记在你的脑子里。 寻找冲击果汁 事实证明，冲击果汁相当稀有，是最近才在我之前提到的集市上推出的。这告诉我们两件事：如此新的发明不太可能已经整合到哥伦比亚的基础设施中，而我们的主角们需要尽快弄到一些（就是“昨天就该拿到”的意思，不用谢）。

太令人震惊了。 说来也巧，这座岛屿（它们确实是岛屿，对吧？）上有一个景点，专门宣传【电击项圈】。因此，我们的两位主角进入了这个名为【英雄殿堂】的景点。这是一个专门展示【克洛多克】有多酷的展览，同时还贬低美洲原住民和亚洲人，称他们又蠢又坏。不开玩笑，这里真的有一个亚洲人的突然惊吓镜头，把【塔楼女士】吓得魂飞魄散。或许他们俩确实是天生一对。 此外，【温蒂】在电梯里（就是这部电梯吗？我记得是）又打开了一个传送门，差点让他们再次被【马克斯·温格斯潘】杀死。这只是为了提醒你，没错，她有这个能力。真不知道她为什么不直接再次打开通往巴黎的传送门，跳过所有这些“游戏流程”的内容，但事情就是这样。大厅内，一道聚光灯会追踪你的行踪，同时有个声音在你穿越剧场般的环境时对你冷嘲热讽。接着，一群蜘蛛型缝合者沿着天花板爬了过来！开个玩笑啦。实际上出现的只是更多种族主义民兵，布格尔轻松将他们射杀。而这个声音来自某个名叫……呃……史蒂夫？上尉？弗林特？我迟早会想起来的，先忍忍。总之，这个叫弗林特洛克的家伙说他以前认识布格尔，他们曾并肩作战。他正在反抗电信公司，因为他和他的部下为哥伦比亚/美国作战所做出的牺牲，正被粉饰掩盖、抛之脑后，取而代之的是更多的宏大宣传。希尔弗想以战士的方式了结，于是他让手下们去对付鲍勒，明知道自己是在把他们送去对抗一个身负剧情装甲、全副武装、拥有超能力的疯子，而这家伙就算被杀了也会复活。这家伙可真“聪明”啊，那个蠢货。好吧，我刚才没走心。上校？ 两人穿过两个主要展区，每个展区都描绘了不同的种族歧视事件，以及“大爷爷”有多“酷”。在屠杀了数十名自杀式士兵后，沃姆-沃姆继续前往最终展区。展区详细描述了圣母玛丽·康斯托克女士是如何被她的奴隶黛西·菲茨罗伊用绞索谋杀的，以及黛西随后如何逃脱并组建了一支名为人民之声（Vox Populi，意为“人民的声音”，这大概是我那两年拉丁语课程唯一派上用场的时候）的民兵组织。房间里的录音公告宣称，老约瑟夫·史密斯随后将他的孩子（“先知的种子”，是的，你可以做个鬼脸）藏在了天使雕像塔中。当然，这一定意味着艾拉克斯实际上是康斯托克的女儿。可以理解，她对此感到震惊。但他们必须继续前进，而布彻在这里也帮不上什么忙。他算不上什么情感支持动物。说实话，也提供不了任何情感支持。不过，他确实是只动物。 展厅后面还有一家礼品店，里面满是机动爱国者（也就是持枪机器人）。幸运的是，大多数都无法正常运作。但有一个除外。

让机械人再次伟大！ 经过几分钟的交替攻击和狼狈逃窜，布格尔射出最后一枪，唐纳德终于倒下了。我猜那些芝士汉堡最终还是找上了他。礼品店后面有一个庭院，里面挤满了肯德基上校的最后一批手下。朱莉召唤出一些炮塔之类的东西，而布勒则“干他的事”。尽管以前就很危险，但随着杰西的时空怨恨的加入，斯普勒真的已经升级到了战争犯罪的程度。 在商店、展览、其他展览、电梯和主题公园之外的区域，船长正闷闷不乐地坐着。要么他受了点小伤，要么就是太累了。银手说：“杀了我吧兄弟，我妈说我该下线了。”在这里，就像游戏中少数几个关键节点一样，我们的主角面临一个选择。他是按照那人的请求，帮他解脱痛苦，还是饶他一命，避免杀戮？（这时候你该笑了）。我们的主角真正明白的答案只有一个，而这个答案就装在铜制的弹壳里。 在轰爆了他前朋友的脑袋后，布伯终于得到了（并立刻喝下了）果汁。

Pictured: Said juice After he's done convulsing, screaming, and generally tripping balls, our shoe-squelching hero realizes something important: There's actually an "h" in Sock Juice, and no, it doesn't dry (nor even knock) your socks off. Ever-soggy socks aside, Booger and Co(mstock Jr.) head back to the battery thing and zap it with juice. The gondola starts its scripted sequence, slowly sliding down the cables toward them--along with a veritable army of baddies. No, not like that. Luckily, there are a whole lot of conveniently placed rail thingies around, so Bigot makes short care of the work problem. But, despite looting everything he has hitherto come across--and snatching everything Sally has so far thrown his way--Bugboy could still hardly afford upgrades or ammo, despite the many waves of ammo-having policemen*** already looted by our favorite cartridge goblin. His favorite weapon's ammo was running low. The artificial sense of urgency was ramping up, and their enemies were spawning closing in. One thing was clear: they needed an airship. ASAPY. *Strange how, if he had just arrived prior to the expo, Columbia would be a hell of a lot less unusual. **Appreciate/wince at this joke while you can, cause it's going to age more gracelessly than Simon Cowell by way of Empire Strikes Back. ***I say policemen, but Columbia's forces are actually gender-inclusive. Kind of strange for such an uber-conservative state, if you think about it. Quite Literally The Most Difficult-To-Obtain and Well-Guarded Airship They Possibly Could Have Chosen brain trauma I mean, it is, if you think about it. An entire flying city and they pick perhaps the one blimp guaranteed to be well-guarded. Now, it is true that you don't see many other blimps flying around, but you do see a whole lot of small flying jet-skiff things, so I don't see why they couldn't take one of those. But, uh, obviously there is a reason, which I shall shortly provide: lorem ipsum lorem et ius ipsum But anyway, they fight through all the bad guys and board the rtardis. That takes them up to the plot blimp area I think, and from there they probably do some shooting and looting and stuff. You know how it is. And there are problems--issues, even--which are resolved with solutions (bullets, mainly) in due course. And there is other stuff, too, which I am omitting due to artistic consideration. Definitely not cognitive shortcomings. {Look, I'll be honest. I really don't remember this part all that well. Now, I know that might make you question my abilities as a storyteller, and by extension the veracity of this account, but let me just put it like this: If I forgot it, it probably wasn't important. So let's just say, you and I, that I didn't forget that stuff, and was instead a most excellent stuffer. Sound good? Here we go} ...and then they board the blimp! Excitement! Alright, alright, settle down. I know that last part was really something, but this next one is important. Refusing to lose his focus, Booger makes like a middle-aged female celebrity and keeps his nose to the grindstone.* He sets to work piloting the plimp, playing whack-a-mole with the various levers and delicate controls. The ship tilts slightly, causing an oddly ominous wrench** to slide across the dashboard-thing, toward Barbie: Prisonbreak edition. Meanwhile, Miss McGuffin is exuberating: "Oh wow Mister Dwitt, Paris will be so amazing and pretty and just like from Ratatioille!" Booger bumps another lever, finishing the carefully-memorized sequence of coordinates. Just kidding, he used another cheet sheat. That lights Mary Jane way the ♥♥♥♥ up, and the resultant atmosphere is anything but relaxing. She's all like, "Now hold on. That ♥♥♥♥ is not the coordinates for Paris. That's New York!" And Booger is like, "Well, yeah. I'm bringing you to Yew Nork to sell you off and pay my gambling or drinking debts or something." It is at this moment that Molly realizes exactly what kind of creature she is currently traveling with. She immediately breaks down into tears, perhaps remembering the various war crimes she has recently enabled for his sake. Booger feels a very slight, very subtle twinge of sympathy, and awkwardly reaches out. Actually, maybe he just found the noise irritating. We don't really know for sure, because it is at this moment (this one, not the other one) that Mollywhopper swings Chekov's Wrench into the Blather's weakened temple. With a burst of pain and a neat visual effect, Flatter is swallowed by unconsciousness. Conveniently-timed flashes of awareness reveal the events thereafter in confused, filter-laden bursts. Blue lady trying to steer the ship. A second, and possibly a third or really even a fourth and fifth ship, swooping in for the attack (look, it's hard to count airships by sound alone). Extragizzard running away, or something. A bunch of new people, ethnically diverse but united by the color red. Eventually the game director gets tired of the slideshow gag and lets a proper cutscene through. This one features a groaning, bound-up Booger and a certain Daisy Fitsy. Keen readers may remember her as the Virgin Mary Murderer.

这个女人 “给我枪支之类的东西，我就把飞艇还回来，”被一群穿着臃肿盔甲、眼睛发红光的士兵包围的女人说道。说真的，那些士兵看起来就像发光的南瓜灯，这么说来她就像是某种纯天然的绞杀者。但她还是挺吓人的，所以也许还是把这种比喻和其他垃圾一起丢掉吧。我是说，他们真的很可怕！布格尔肯定知道——我敢肯定，在迪尔泰姆把他扔下船之前，他吓得尿裤子了，接着他从35多英尺的高空背部着地摔了下去。

视角：你刚刚遭受了脑震荡 我们的英雄倒下的周围，是一片广阔而壮丽的景象，其中也包含一些可游玩区域。码头及其旁的飞艇（无人看管，可供窃取，在此重申）从一座巨大而奇特的工厂式建筑中伸出，这建筑简直就像出自查理的世界，不过我怀疑这家工厂并不生产巧克力，就算生产，也可能是不加糖还带花生的那种。布格尔从最新砸出的坑里挣扎着抬起头，摇摇晃晃地站起身，他那四只散发着恶臭的脚不知为何依然湿漉漉的。前方，一个脑袋正在对着周围大声嚷嚷。这个脑袋显示在一个巨大的复古朋克风格电视屏幕上。它有着非常独特、完全符合设定且绝非虚构的外观。如果他想再次绑架曾经被他绑架过的人，那么我们这位坚定的被击晕者似乎必须面对他迄今为止最强大的敌人——花生过敏！ 软骨反正都是给弱者准备的。 如果每次这款游戏在做模拟交互类游戏该做的事时，同时又在做完全相反的事，我都能得到五美分，那我现在大概有两三个五美分了。虽然不多，但发生两次也挺让人郁闷的，对吧？ 大约9米，献给你们这些讨厌康斯塔克的欧洲人。 资本主义 欢迎来到放克镇 我们的英雄站在错落有致的工厂前，即将靠近前面提到的那个自动播报装置。该装置会提供一些有用的信息，我稍后会用一段话来转述。装置的另一边就是巨型工厂本身。笼罩在蒸汽之中，却并无太多朋克气息，这里是一座卡夫卡式的黄铜与宣传迷宫，散发着委员会认可的古怪氛围。从布满煤烟的最底层，到设有最低赌注的高管赌场，这个地方堪称企业的巅峰之作，足以让杰克斯·贝佐尔都自愧不如——根本无需氪石！ 而这里的首席执行官，正是花生先生本人，这位犯罪界的威利·旺卡。我是说，大企业的威利·旺卡。快来瞻仰他的光辉吧！

如图：杰里米·芬克正在参与他众多广告中的一个。 不过我有点跑题了。首先，有一场追逐戏——速度大概和《欧比旺·克诺比》里的某个场景差不多。好吧，这么说可能有点苛刻。但大体上，就是“黑卫”追逐“西西弗涅”——顺便说一句，途中还向挡路的一些人开了枪。他们经过另一艘火箭小艇，“小叮当”试图征用它，却因艇上挤满了高大凶狠的男人而失败。真可惜，她不认识什么能开枪打倒几个人的人！“墨渍”再次试图摆脱追兵，她打开了一些空间裂隙来拖延“士兵男孩”，这招确实起了作用，但却没能阻止他追上自己。唉，姑娘，真倒霉！要是她当初听了芬克工业新推出的“职业道德讲座”就好了，现在限时特惠，仅需九五折！还在为那些敷衍的计划和懒散的解决方案而束手束脚吗？那就和芬克一起“深陷”——过度投资吧！全新芬克工业职业道德讲座：我们会让你在工作中找到“努力”的意义！各大高价升级道具销售点均有销售。 我说到哪儿了？哦对，太空空洞。这些空洞里有很多有趣的小场景，比如一支行进乐队……我记得还有一堆气球，可能还有一辆火车，或许还有别的什么东西。它们似乎还散发着某种奇怪的减速气场，恰好能阻止布莱米什冲刺穿过或越过它们。也可能，它们就是隐形墙。我是说，一堆气球也没那么重，对吧？最终，这个倒霉蛋遇到了他最讨厌的东西：无铅皮波油。作为一名真正的爱国者，布兰-布兰迅速给这可怜的玩意儿加了铅，把玛丽·霍平斯从之前的绑架者手中救了出来。真是谢天谢地，对吧？ 与被绑架者重逢后，南纳向不情愿合作的辛奇解释了情况，两人深入芬克王国那令人作呕的腹地，决心获取更多武器并还清最近那笔沉重的债务。现在我们来到他们进入大工厂区域的部分——大部分区域实际上是通过电梯穿行的，以便进行另一段角色对话。 走出不知是第几部电梯，我们的剧情主角们遇到了一个油腻的红发男子，他看起来像是珀西·韦斯莱和赫克斯将军的私生子。油脂球接着给那些家伙递上了一箱不错的枪炮。显然，帕克斯的老板就是方基潘茨本人，他似乎在等“头号笨蛋”之类的人。他给那个“笨蛋”一把枪，这事儿实在没什么道理，但我又懂什么生意经呢？ 装备上闪亮的新【装备】和酷炫的新武器后，Vsauce带领众人穿过大门，进入了芬克镇——这片广阔却易于穿行的公司住宅区由华特迪士尼及其公司管理。我猜他们上次搞砸娱乐业务后，就干脆放弃了，专心经营血汗工厂部门。 起初，战利品唾手可得，一切顺利。然而，没走半个街区，他们就遇到了一个杂役。我可能在之前的集市部分忘了介绍这家伙。不过百闻不如一见，对吧？话不多说，这是迄今为止对芬基杂工最准确、最详细的描绘：

强大的自动乔。他曾饱受脑退化症的折磨，如今作为哥伦比亚真正的爱国者重新行走。 博格特被打得屁滚尿流，而且你可能没注意到，工匠们的手真的非常非常大。幸运的是，莉齐·斯特赖德有一剂关键的强效药剂，可以注射到博拉德异常粗壮的前臂里。众所周知，这种药剂确实足以打破死亡的束缚，所以那些谈论耶稣的人根本不知道自己在说什么，而博拉德·鲍尔也再次活蹦乱跳（顺便说一句，每次视频博主死后，他们都会玩这一套小把戏。我只能猜测萨莉曾经来自另一个哥伦比亚）。这种特殊动作的唯一缺点是，每次施展时，博格布莱恩的一部分钱都会从他屁股里掉出来，消失在虚空中。没有任何痕迹，就这么没了！也许是掉进了另一个空间裂缝。 不管怎样，布莱斯特卡普因为濒死体验和嗑药而怒火中烧，对着汉迪的金属屁股开了一枪。或者更准确地说，他对着汉迪那极其脆弱的玻璃前置核心（？）舱开了几十枪（不是真的心脏腔室，而是类似核心舱的东西，你懂的）。别问为什么会有这个舱，我也不知道。穿过曼尼之手（并小心收集了他的装备）后，“建筑师鲍勃”和“破坏王莱利”终于到达了目标地点，更多的剧情转折正在那里等待着，准备给毫无防备的玩家读者一个措手不及。 悬念！是啊，我们还在天上飘着呢。有时候很容易忘记这一点。 *门事件之后也会发生同样的事。我觉得唯一的区别是，门事件发生时，Bizzy没和你在一起？这会不会是某种药物混合物在重启Bugger受损大脑时产生的幻觉？我真的很困惑。 不过嘛，游戏已经给了我既令人满意又十分明确的解释，我很快就会讲给你听，忠实的读者！每日一问：假设我因为严重的赌博成瘾欠了一些非常危险的人很多钱，并且在一次糟糕的离婚后经济破产（只是举个例子），现在我在寻找一个特别高效的雇佣兵，那么各位见多识广的读者是否愿意提供相关人员的联系方式？如果答案是肯定的，请尽快在评论中告知。暖气蛋寻踪 就像复活节，但更具美式风格 在制服了杂工后，我们的活力二人组终于进入了冈博的店铺，这里是冈博制造枪支的地方。实际上，他叫林。

这家伙说林根本找不到。所以，先不管那个硬凑且过度铺垫的名字，巴蒙克和甘德洛普离开了“枪械之家：安息吧”，一路战斗着来到——然后穿过——这个剧院一样的地方，花生之前好像想在这里测试布米，或者别的什么。如果我没记错的话，这是因为他的安全官职位有空缺，而且注意到鲍尔布洛克很擅长杀人。显然，他没另外注意到巴弗一直在杀哪些人。 不过基本上就是几波敌人，还有皮马特扔给我们的几个类似小 boss 的遭遇战，这些都对我们最喜欢的穿背心的疯子构不成任何持久威胁。到那时，皮珀就会说：“哇，伙计，你可真会杀人啊！那个工作 offer 怎么样，嗯？”比珀回应道：“不。我现在能杀你了吗？”里珀则说：“行，来吧！”于是他们就这么做了，然后一起下楼。 到了楼下，不幸的是，秦已经死了。“该死，”布格尔精辟地评论道。“可不是嘛？这太可怕了，”朱诺附和道。“可怜的利姆！而且，我们怎么才能拿到枪，去换那艘我们无论如何都必须得到的特定飞艇呢？”穆布马克斯愚蠢地点点头，发出含混不清的赞同声。实际上，他可能只是因为这次没能亲手杀人而感到恼火。我们的英雄们最终还是失败了，剧情似乎就此结束。 但真的结束了吗？那个W是否仍触手可及？把“Plot”（剧情）里的“L”去掉，你会得到什么？那位写手迅速抽完烟，很快就有了清晰的解决方案。“鼻屎……”“哈？”“这里有个裂缝！”“是啊，我知道。我屏幕上这玩意儿一直在闪。”确实如此。但这个空间裂缝很特别。透过裂缝望去，露西发现 chimp 不见了——而在当前世界里，他还坐在那张刑椅上，显然已经死了。“我们可以穿过它，”莱因斯坦说道。“怎么可能？”“因为如果 Chin-Chin 不在他的椅子上，那就一定意味着……”“他还活着！”两人为这个完全没有根据的假设互相祝贺，对科学方法表现出令人震惊的不尊重，近乎对伪科学瘾君子的明显热衷。我也很确定神奇双子会突然出现，帮助实现这一点，但我不是百分百确定，只是一般确定。确定。确定，确定，确定。确定。这听起来不再像个真正的词了，对吧？我一直想知道为什么会这样。 总之，这两位业余占星师轻松地跳过逻辑和空间漏洞，把后者越开越大，直到它吞噬了整个世界。或者类似的情况。尽管绝大多数事物看起来完全一样，但之前的弗林普尸体现在已经消失了，正如菲兹的理论所暗示的那样。他们迅速回溯关卡，遇到了几个奇怪的闪烁人影，这些人影似乎在流鼻血，而且整体看起来状态迷离。凭借又一次毫无根据的“洞见”，菲兹尔斯特克斯意识到，这些“菲普尔人”实际上就是福克在前往迪姆途中杀死的那些。他推测，既然他们现在没死透，肯定是得了某种跨维度时差症——我们姑且称之为“薛定谔症”。不过，这些家伙似乎打不死，所以比克尔没多做停留就继续前进了。 重新进入剧院区域，猎犬的嗜血欲望终于（暂时）得到了满足。他将原始的枪械狂怒倾泻在额外一打的倒霉敌人身上——这些敌人虽然异常耐打，但显然在他们的时间线里从未与布格尔交过手。可怜的“小 innocent”们，他们毫无胜算，尤其是在布拉格特选择较低难度的情况下。从那里出来后，他们离开了那个剧院似的地方，解决了外面的士兵，那个残暴的猴子男显得很兴奋，通往蠢桶店的街道已经清空，散落的战利品也被收集起来，而我本人则被新起诉了。 最后，他们回到了店里。终于，他们重新找到了 whim。实际上，他仍然叫林。不过，是另一个林。

This guy Apparently, that little space-stretching maneuver cost Columbia a little more than fifty-one years, because now Limey's wifey worships Grandpa instead of Buddha. And also apparently Gin's tools were confiscated by Colonsock's cops, so he can't really make any guns. And also Grin has a severe case of Schrodingeritis and probably couldn't make so much as a chamber pot. So it is that our intrepid ingrates leave Guns 'R Us: Wait, We're Not Dead? and instead head on ahead down to Slummy Town, which is apparently where the police station is, or something. Not the most intuitive place for a police station, but even Columbia has to break with historical racism now and again, I suppose. *Just goes to show how inclusive and progressive Peanut really is, if you think about it. It might be a sweatshop labor town, but it's an equal opportunity sweatshop labor town, dammit. **If I Remember Correctly, And I Believe I Do. You're welcome. ***Word to the wise: Never hire a Chinese hitman. And if you do, never hire said Chinese hitman via Craigslist. Just an unrelated piece of advice. Not A Ghetto™ Corporatism is Fair and Balanced The long elevator grinds ever downward, descending through another carefully-constructed setpiece. After another characterization conversation I can't be assed to remember, the doors ding open and our two hero-type characters are disgorged into the smoky, soot-stained warren of the Slum Area. We pass a lot of starving and/or depressed people, subtly showing how Peanut and Grandpa are dumb and bad. A makeshift podium (i.e. a soapbox, and perhaps more literally than you might think considering the ramshackle nature of the environment), occupied by some sort of street preacher extolling those very sentiments--and also how Daizy Fiddly is smart and cool--is passed as well. Ahead, a clump of rabid bums accosting an innocent vending machine presents an impassable obstacle--until Lucy points out the convenient space hole nearby. Pulling that one open dumps a fat load of food into this dimension, and the rabid bums immediately lunge upon it, intent presumably on eating as much as they can before additional bums arrive. Toward the left there's an Infusion, but this one is guarded by a couple guys who don't want Booger getting his fix.* I'll just let you imagine how that probably goes. Down the other street, Ebooger and Belizabeth get jumped by a couple of unfortunate souls. Poorly armed and comprehensively unarmored, the men are quickly consigned to the space-food's fate. The first part of it I mean--being dumped on the street and all. Booger doesn't eat them or anything. Probably. A ♥♥♥♥♥♥ little bar and or tavern thing awaits, and inside there is a basement. Inside the basement there is some loot and also an optional little scene where Ellie sings Take On Me with Booger on guitar, luring an urchin out of the woodwork so Ellie can hand him an apple. Truly, we have now solved child hunger.** And, um, there was probably a point to going there, too. Maybe they got a key from it? Or directions? At any rate, at some point we enter and fight through the police station, demotorizing a Motorized Patriot and knocking back a couple more Infusions. B&E's intrusion reaches its zenith, or rather its nadir, in yet another basement-type-area, this time deep within the police station. There they find a gargantuan pile of crates and the assorted weaponry they contain, all chained together with large iron padlocks. No, that's not a joke. "It's way too heavy to move," Booger observes, insightfully. Indeed, it is. One wonders, in fact, how they got this far along in the process without realizing that a grand total of exactly two people are perhaps not quite enough to move several tonnes of weaponry. But, before the giant death-pile, there lies another space-hole. Really the unsung heroes of the plot, those holes. This one in particular precipitates a bit more uncertainty from our spacetime-swirling protagonists. "Should I, like, open it?" Excess continues, rather nervously. "I mean, what if there's more of those, like, people we saw before? They were, like, totally creepy. Half-dead and half alive! What if there are unforeseen consequences?" At which point Booger finally notices the tear. "Do it," he orders, probably having blanked out each and every word of caution. At which point Elordan Freeman obliges, opening the second or possibly third mega-hole, still not deigning to explain why these ones seem to meld entire timelines rather than summon a dinky little gun crate or something like that. On the other side, everything is pretty much exactly the same, except that the enormous pile of cartoon confiscation is missing. "Look!" Miss Wormhole says. "The guns are all gone! That must mean that..." "Daisy's people have them!" Embracing this latest and most egregious leap in logic, the Time Lord wannabes scramble back to backtracking through the back areas of the station, soon arriving amid fierce fighting, or possibly just the remnants of it. Outside, though, there is most definitely fighting, and boy is it fierce. The CPD and or Columbian Army lies spread out, embroiled in dire conflict with hordes of red-themed rebel-type NPCs. Somehow, someway, Bawking and Leinstein were right. Organic Garrote and her Veg Populi have at last their fabled Chinese firearms, and have taken them on the offensive. Their rhetoric, having long since taken root, has at last borne fruit. The revolution has begun! And wow does it involve a lot of red, pumpkinesque uniforms, duct-taped weaponry, and tastefully-placed particle emitters. *I may have omitted Booger's crippling addiction to these Infusions, which enable said Boogey to augment his energy shield, the density of his body-meat, and his tolerance for Salts. They're basically just Plot Juice. **Actually this scene is pretty neat. Less Miserable Just like France, only less baggueaute Outside the station, the redoats have driven out the blueberries--a group of the latter are lined up before our very eyes and shot. Our pearl-less pansy nonetheless clutches at her chest in horror; our gormless Bancy nonetheless loots through their corpses for root. Picture more scenes of that nature, more or less, along with a lot of distant explosions and smoke, and you've got the picture. We pass posters, and people singing songs of revolution and or soul-type vibe, probably due to the whole slavery thing. Tattered red banners flap and roll majestically in the acrid wind, distant gunfights softened in the clouded sky to crackling pops of jubilant light not unlike fireworks. "It's just like Les Miserables!" Lizzibette says breathlessly. "I guess. There're far fewer side tangents about sewers and nuns," Booger replies, momentarily breaking character to facilitate an overly niche and overall lackluster joke. A particularly large poster comes into view, depicting none other than our very own Booger. Booger Dimwitt, the inscription reads. Hero of the Revolution! "What the...?" Booger quips cleverly, confused. After all, Bollock himself is neither heroic nor revolutionary, yet there the poster hangs. And it can't have been put up by Booger, seeing as he can't write. Suddenly Booger's nose begins to bleed and his vision goes all fuzzy wuzzy, his many addictions seeming to momentarily catch up with him. Lady Bird talks him through it, smacking him a few times to help disperse this most recent front of Booger-brand brain-fog. "Focus! We're like, real close now!" And so he does, and indeed they are. After fighting/stumbling/wandering their way through the fires of revolution and all its many animations and scripted scenes, POV and Co. ascend from the chaos of Unslum and arrive at a certain place.

那个地方。就当这是本体游戏里的场景，不是DLC的。我的意思是两者几乎一模一样，谁会在意呢。听着，我只是刚好有一张DLC里这个区域的不错截图，行了吧？ 在那面玻璃墙/窗户后面，你猜怎么着，花生先生本人正蜷缩在那里。突然，花生被残忍地杀死了，下手的不是别人，正是雏菊女士！鼻涕虫点头表示赞赏，走到玻璃前，傻乎乎地大喊：“嘿！雏菊！你现在有枪了，把剧情飞艇还给我们！”但小花根本不吃这一套。“我的鼻涕虫笨蛋是个真正的英雄——我亲眼看到他为革命牺牲了！所以你们两个到底是谁？”布格尔心不在焉地流着口水，或许意识到和来自某个维度/时间线/事物的人做交易，然后跳进另一个维度/时间线/事物，在那里对方已经得到了交易中想要的东西，却还指望那个人（或者说，另一个人）遵守他们一开始可能从未达成的交易，这根本毫无意义。没错。 突然，这里出现了士兵！“抓住他们，伙计们！” dozier fiddle 在后面嘲讽道，他安全地躲在一面玻璃后面，那想必和 clodstock 在他的飞艇上用的是同一种坚不可摧的玻璃。起初， bookbinding 轻松地对付着士兵——但突然，一个“粉碎性”的公告从第四面墙后响亮地传来。

The battle is fierce, replete with rockets and desperate dodges. Magazine after magazine runs dry and is hurriedly discarded, their contents proving terribly ineffective when haphazardly fired at the leaping, roaring, oddly toddler-like Handyman. Boojie tries to escape via floating rail-thingy, but even this has been accounted for, as the Jaundiceband leaps into the air and wraps his cartoonishly large fingers around said rail-thingy, electrocuting the metal structure with the tesla coil hidden up his metal ass. Booger falls with a thump to the planks below, meaty body sizzling. A desperate lunge toward a nearby Health Bag™ repairs his punctured organs enough to enable a final offensive of blazing lightning, flickering fireballs, and actually mainly just a bunch of crows, since those are far more effective at stalling Handmasters.* After Handyman and Smallerman are finished throwing hands, a triumphant but battered Buddwiser meets back up with Larry at the weird clock-tower/dock-type building, pictured above. At that precise moment (or maybe at a different one. It all gets mixed up, you know?) Daisy Lady is about to kill a child, because angry. "What? Why?" exclaims Emigrationpolicy, horrified. "'Cause you gotta pull 'em all up by the roots," Daisy Flower says, without even a hint of guilt for either the pun or the whole child-killing thing. "Quick! Distract her," Esmuth whispers, clambering through the convenience-vent on the nearby wall.** "'Kay," Booger mumbles, and does as proscribed, distracting Dishsticks by thumping stupidly on the glass and bumbling through a sorry excuse for a gymnastics routine. Daisy pauses momentarily, stupefied, before shaking herself free of Booger's brain-sapping aura. She raises her knife gun, mere moments from killing Peanut Junior, when a pair of shears plunges through her neck. Blood sprays everywhere, flowergirl falls dead, and Peanut Kid runs away, toward the area where Daisy's rebels are currently looting and shooting around. He's probably fine. Unlike his savior, who has one of those "♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ I just killed someone" moments. Relatable, right? Right? Heh. Uh, anyway. In a brief moment of clarity, our dazed heroin heroine lifts the shears as Booger approaches, as if to possibly strike him down as well. Unfortunately, she seems to abandon that idea, half-listening as Bumble offers his equivalent of comforting words. Not a half-dozen of those words are spoken before she turns and (perhaps having gained enough lucidity to accurately assess their quality) jogs away through the tower/dock building toward the plot blimp. Booger, suddenly afraid he'll be ditched like the sack of ♥♥♥♥ he is, hurries after her. Inside, our distressed dress enthusiast is nowhere to be seen, but Boober decides to pilot the plot blimp away anyway, apparently assuming she went off into another blimp room rather than any other type of room. After a time--one-half of a cutscene, actually--Emdeeihmay emerges, confirming for the frustreenth time a completely unfounded protagonal theory. Apparently, she's better now, but more serious and edgy, and with the outfit from all the promotional material, more-or-less. Maybe she's more serious because of the new dress? I mean, Booger's Gear™ can do some pretty wild things, so perhaps this is just how Columbian clothing works. If her dress does have a buff, we can infer it may relate to IQ and or initiative, for at last she addresses the elephant hitherto following them around Funktowne. "Well, Mister Dimwitt, I'm tired of this ♥♥♥♥. Just tell me already--New York or Ewok Land?"*** Bolddigger says something intelligent like, "Uhhh..." and momentarily threatens to experience character growth. Conveniently, an ambush Bord swoops out of the literal and figurative blue at that exact moment. *I may have neglected to mention that Barry got said crows by drinking the Krowmaster's bird juice, back in section five. **Figures the plot-vent would be near the plot-blimp. ***A nice euphemism for, "Are you gonna be a good person, or keep kidnapping me?" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

搞定。 飞行门禁社区 哎呀，我是说恩波里亚 不用说，博迪三下五除二就解决了剧情飞艇，而我们这对健忘的搭档再次经历了业内所谓的“硬着陆”。金属撕裂和木头断裂的巨响伴随着短暂的加载画面黑屏。不知怎的，他们俩都毫发无损地活了下来，不过飞艇的唯一一扇门在坠落时被卡住了。芭比徒劳地拉着那扇纹丝不动的门，直到——巴特勒瑟从最近一次脑震荡引起的小睡中终于醒来——用他那厚实的身躯撞向门，轻松地把门撞开了。也许吧。又或者其实是她自己把门打开了，然后走在格罗格前面。不太确定。无论如何，他们俩还是一头扎进了与生姜双胞胎的会面。那对双胞胎正在瓦砾堆和一片混乱的导弹场景中弹钢琴，真是古怪！他们在弹奏一首曲子，暗示这首曲子和火鸡鸟有关。莉洛吓坏了，让他们停下来——显然这首曲子会召唤出那个伯克鸟之类的东西。然后胡椒头们突然消失得无影无踪，连一瓶盐都没留下。除了那架钢琴，他们肯定把它留下了。唉，我尽力了。 处理完钢琴风波后，一号和二号笨蛋从前一栋被临时当作避难所的大楼里出来，进入了一个类似公园的区域，里面挤满了正在撤离的 evacuees，表面上是因为最近那些人的重新出现。你知道的——就是那些人，带着各种吓人的颜色。我这么说吧，就是红色。像反抗军那样的红色。 还有黑色和棕色，因为种族歧视的问题。我们路过一些挤满了人、用于撤离的火箭小艇之类的东西，它们——再一次——就那么停在那儿，简直是在求着我们上去。不可否认，它们看起来确实像是在经历“泰坦尼克号时刻”，毕竟人都挤满了，但我不信鼻涕虫（Booger）要是有选择的话，不会准备用暗流（Undertow）把他们全都冲下船去。可惜，他们反而继续往前走（没错我又用这个词了），直接和前面提到的那些人正面遭遇。我是说穿红衣服的那些人。不是说皮肤是红色的人，只是他们的制服是红色的。我是说，我猜有些人可能看起来有点红，谁知道呢。 当然，鼻涕虫（Booger）也不知道。作为真正的盟友，他不分肤色，对所有种族和民族都一视同仁地进行屠杀……伊莱扎展现了某种程度的角色成长（？），继续为这位“屠夫”提供充足的燃料支持。他们穿过那些该死的地方，进入了一个大型中转站之类的区域，里面有小商店、小卫生间和其他辅助设施。在一个可选的类似支线任务的环节中，布吉（Boogie）折返了一段令人胆寒的距离，以解锁其中一个辅助区域的隐藏密室。在经历了各种湿滑的踩踏、背后偷袭和伏击之后，班格尔（Bungalow）终于进入了这个秘密区域。里面有一些战利品，还有一张海报，上面宣传着某个女人，或者可能是她的酒吧，具体是什么，我也不清楚。“说真的？”“就为了某个女人的一幅画，至于吗？”伊莱恩难以置信地喊道。“我想我认识她。”布格尔巧妙地化解了这尴尬的局面。“是啊，我打赌你认识……”算了。 无论如何，他们继续穿过中庭式的竞技场，一场全新的战斗在那里等待着，到处都是存放武器和弹药的空间孔洞——是那种小的，不是“融合整个时间线”那种。穿过中庭竞技场后，真正的商场就在眼前，富人们都住在那里……博格沃特又消灭了一个无辜的消防员，我们继续穿过铺着鹅卵石、两旁是豪华房屋的走廊，在那里我们看到了许多谈论种族纯洁之类的种族主义广告（这是你每小时一次的种族主义提醒）。

Big Brain Advertising, censored for your convenience This area is a little less linear, so Bailiff and Betty just kind of wander around until they encounter a large lodge-like mansion-type house, far larger and more lodger than all the other hice. "Nice," Bogogogogogogoth says, noticing all the spare ammo and conveniently placed cover-granting barricades dotting the arena. I mean the area. But alas, the court remains empty of fresh fleshbags to fill with lead. What's worse, Salazara skips (in a sad, depressed sort of way) up to the front door of the place and tries to open it without so much as a fuss! Luckily for Bloodlust, it doesn't open. Some disembodied automated voice announces that Extradress looks just like her mom (First Lady Somclock, remember) but seems to be missing her fingerprints. Now, am I crazy, or does this imply that Columbia has somehow advanced far enough in electronics, optics, and computing to enable the creation of an automated system that can not only assess and verify fingerprints, recognize and distinguish physical appearances (as well as potentially any fine variations and associations thereof), but also generate a synthetic voice and or manipulate a recording database?*** Actually, don't answer that. Technological implications aside, Boo-Boo follows Betty as she makes a beeline for the cemetery, where her mom and her fingerprints lie Lenin-like in a glass casket. Boil's brain works overtime the whole way, bouncing up and down in this thick, bone-cramped skull as he attempts to reason out the implication of this action. Go ahead and fetch a drink, folks. We'll be here all week. *Actually that tracks (baseball, huh) because there was this sort of Comstatue-chime alarm thing that went off just before Bord attacked, back at the Statuetower. **Bucker fuel: Amnphetamine salts, 1 bottle .50 caliber cartridges, 2 pounds Gasoline, 1 jerry can Demon blood, 1 pint Cokeaine, powdered Bring the gasoline to a gentle simmer, adding the salts gradually until dissolved. Take off heat and mix the cartridges with the blood in a separate crucible, increasing heat until homogenized. Add to salt mixture when cooled and mix thoroughly. Garnish with cokeaine, adding extra salts to taste. Serve via intravenous injection. ***Admittedly, when they boarded the blimp earlier, Emmeline switched out of her blood-imbibed blouse and into one of her mom's old dresses, as she so helpfully explains. Perhaps the unseen machine is merely recognizing the dress? In fact, and now that I think of it, I'm reasonably certain this is mentioned--addressed, if you will--at the gate of the mansion. So what this implies is that anyone, even Booger himself, could be recognized as Lady Comstock so long as he wore that particular dress. Also, did they really keep the Virgin Lady's actual clothes in her old ship--the same ship they were holding public tours of? But of course, you'd still need the fingerprints to get in. Which honestly makes the whole dress-recognition function seem a little redundant. Ghostbusters (2016) Now, soon enough our heroes reach their sought-for cemetery and approach the glass casket of Miss Smith. Finally realizing what his companion/kidnap victim/accomplice is intending to do--that being, cut the fingerpads and or hands from her own mother's corpse--Booger quickly intervenes. "No, wait. Let me do it!" Suddenly there are those speaker/tesla coil thingies from earlier, and they start blasting some Cardi B like it's a bad block party. Obviously, this induces extreme pain in Sally, whereas--as a true sociopath--Booger is largely unaffected. A convenient Intercomstock informs us that he knew we would arrive in this spot because of prophecy and blah blah blah. Apparently, the speaker thingies drain Leech's spacetime-spiting abilities. Also, there's a glowing green ghost chick outside who starts charging up like it's Dragon Ball. And here we are, ladies and gentlemen, the one good line of dialogue in Bioshock Infinite. The best line of dialogue, in fact, ever writ by human hand. The only unpolluted drop of perfection to grace our unworthy ears, an ingot of artistic achievement so fresh from the fires of genius it burns in my brain even now. "Elizabeth... Why is your mother a ghost?" Need I say more. Need I say more. So anyway, it turns out Ellie's mom is actually that one lady from the Exorcist, and she's gonna haunt stuff really hard unless we deal with her. And by "we", I mean Booger. And by "deal with her", I mean kill her. Several times, actually. This is Booger we're talking about, after all. So we meet Mom and she's like, "EEURRAAAHRMMA!" And Lizzie is like "No, stop.." Booger starts shooting the ghost with bullets because he's Booger, but turns out Boogger was actually in Ghostbusters, so he knows how to shoot ghosts and stuff. Yeah he was. He was in it. You know, that one guy with the glasses. Chris Pradley or whatever. After Booger shoots mom enough she's like "AEIGHHHH!" and explodes into cytoplasm. But Elizabeth is like, "No she's not dead, we gotta find her or smn," so Booger sniffs out some photoplasmic footprints, making good use of the skills he learned back when he was on Border Patrol. So they run all over the city like a pair of goofy goobers until Booger gets bored and notices an unguarded bank nearby. Naturally, he immediately enters it, hoping to snatch some fat loot so he can finally afford a single ♥♥♥♥♥♥ upgrade for his stupid ♥♥♥♥♥♥ nerf gun. Unfortunately, it transpires that Mom is onyx rank in COD, because she's camping the vault like a figurative and literal nolife. As if that wasn't enough, she's also summoned some racist shooter Notzees to help her out, no doubt recruiting them from their natural habitat. That is to say, the aforementioned COD lobby. After a second shootout mom dies again, and our intrepid heroes spend an additional thirty minutes scouring Emporium for her, searching high and low for any subtle clue that might hint at her presence. Of course, no such hints are to be found, so they decide to fall back on following the trail of glowing green footprints. These lead them back to the mansion from earlier--the one with all the conveniently placed bulwarks and assorted ammunition and nearby upgrade nook. With a realization worthy of Hunk from Breaking Bad, Booger realizes what this must mean. He immediately opens fire on Mom for a third time, and this is the toughest fight yet. Her final form is even more irritating and Karen-like than the previous two, and she has an even bigger army of zombie Notzees. This reminds Booger of his second-favorite video game franchise, Wolfenstein, and suddenly he knows what to do. Guns blazing gloriously, he leaps out from behind cover and instantly dies. After a quick shot of crack he reconsiders the value of cover. This reminds Booger of his third-favorite video game franchise, Halo, and suddenly he knows what to do. Guns firing intermittently, he heroically stays behind cover, peeking out occasionally to whiff a few shots and instantly lose his shield. After several agonizing hours of this--1999 hours, to be precise--Mom finally keels over, too laden with lead to continue defying the laws of physics. Just before our glorious hero can deliver the final blow, Lizard steps in and is like, "Hey, you're my mom!" And Mom is like, "Oh ♥♥♥♥, you're right." Quickly getting over their prior disagreements, the two women engage in an exemplary example of what is sometimes known as "girl talk." Bored by the lack of senseless violence, Booger begins to compulsively switch and reload his weapons, his primitive gamer brain overriding higher functions for the sake of fleeting and infinitesimally small hits of dopamine. Eventually Sally's like, "btw, we gotta break into that house right there but for some reason we can't break into one of the windows or climb over the entrance area or even just use our explosives to make a hole in the wall or anything like that." Then Mom is like, "Say less," and casually rips open the grenade-proof gate before dipping to the spirit world. Upstaged and emasculated, Boocker runs headlong through the retired gate and on to the security checkpoint-type area, determined to prove himself a worthy hero by killing additional people. Unfortunately, he instead gets powerbombed by the giant metal death bird and loses Lizzy for the umpteenthiest time. At first, Lead Zeppelin over here is really just beating the absolute ♥♥♥♥ out of Batter, folding him more thoroughly than your average piece of Damascus steel. I mean, it really wasn't any more of an actual contest than that one time Krillin got Oppenheimered™, and one begins to wonder how much punishment even Booger's adamant skull can take. Eventually, however, Ariel's like, "No stop, please, don't hurt him! I guess I'm gonna cry now!" Birdbrain looks at her like, "Bitsh?" but Shelly says she'll let him bring her back home--just as long as he doesn't find out what Booger-brand brain-jam looks like. Then Hawkeye's more like, "I'm still pissed at you, but OK." He grabs Princess Peach and bounces, leaving Booper to faint or something I can't remember. Eventually Besticles wakes up or comes back to life or whatever, finding himself still laid out in the leaning tower of Frieza. Like an absolute unit, Bricker simply ignores the seven concussions and numerous compound fractures riddling his broken body and immediately starts running toward the big house they were trying to get to. I'm honestly not sure how he knew that was where Big Bird had taken his damsel-in-da-dress, but it is the largest, most populous thing in the vicinity, so he probably just went by instinct. Insert cliffhanger here. Crockstock House *Cockblock House *Clockrock House *Cluck *Croc Mount Flushmore hangs in the stormy sky, seeming very creepy and foreboding. Bootleg bumbles onward, up the strangely long floating bridge thing, until a sudden snowstorm swaddles his swollen head. Unluckily for any nearby onlookers, the obscuring storm soon dissipates, revealing once more the misshapen visage as its owner pries open the doors ahead. Strangely, they seem to be rusted and in poor repair. Beyond this doddering doorway lies another room kind of area, the details of which are left to the reader's imagination and or memory due to intentional artistic choice and definitely not dementia. Weirdly, this room too is of a rather advanced air, to put it tactfully. Balzheimers advances further, glancing around. Strangeirdly, the whole place seems to be some kind of haphazard slapdash-mishmash of Victorian asylum, Soviet grade school, and your average post-apocalyptic Cracker Barrel, skipping between these general aesthetics like a confused cosmopolitan cosplayer. Bloomers winds his way through this surreal space, picking through rubble and up loot and from among his arsenal. He does his picking uneasily; the audio is eerie, the environments run-down, the echoing halls deserted of all occupants. Except, of course, for the patients. Remember when I mentioned cosplayers?

而且还有反潜行的告密者在守卫它们。

Pictured: A stealthy boy The former are generally placid, wandering vaguely around their little area, occasionally crying to themselves and generally being unsound in mind and body. The latter, however, possess the keen senses of a hunting hound, the drip of a Sirenhead cosplayer*, and the general disposition of your average Starbucks Karen. Together, they turn the place into some sort of colonial-era convention. Coloncon? Blackrock blumbles his squishy boot-slogging butt through this unholy maze, utilizing the hitherto-underutilized crouch key as he navigates the Hornheads' color-coded vision cones, and also their leather-colored cearing hones. Tension builds inaudibly as they twitch and gangle singlemindedly, scanning back and forth with the robotic precision of a cybernetic cockroach. Inevitably, The Booger finds himself dead locked in their irons sights, and with a piercing screech the current crowd of In-Patient Cannibals erupt into a seething mass of murderous intent, not not resembling torbid, turgid, mask-wearing maggots.** "Snbitches!" Buddha says, probably, beating the absolute ♥♥♥♥ out of said snibritches. He unloads with furious firepower both literal (courtesy of his Vigor-powered fire-arms) and slightly less literal but not really figurative if you think about it (courtesy of his powder-powered firearms). Astonishingly, the Curious Georges soak up most of the asSalt with ease, halting their bumbling advance only once a suitably punishing amount of ammunition has been expended. Slowly, BLT dawns upon the revelation that this area is meant to be played stealthily, probably. It's possible he realized this earlier, actually, but there has literally never been so much as a hint of a stealthy approach even implied thus far, and some of the rooms are extremely tedious to navigate without alerting the local Simonsaid. In fact, I'm pretty sure the first room is impossible to stealth, and a few others as well potentially. Or all of them? Idk. But it's all well and good, because now the ammo scarcity is really kicking in, augmenting the tense atmosphere, sending it up along Bogarth's strings and through the fourth wall beyond. We soom arrived (or actually maybe this was at the beginning?) at a room-type room hat thase a large elevator-type elevator in it. We can also see how Ellievator has been kidnapped and needs help and stuff, I think. "Hey! Open this thing up! Let her go!" Moobmaxxer bellows. But there is no one to hear him. Doubly but, the elevator won't work without its lever being yanked, and coincidences of coincidences, it's all the way dab-smack clear away off on the other side of the level. Ever-obedient and respectful of saidevator's colliders, Flooger works his way into the next area. Pay attention to this moment. Seal it in your mind. For this is, as far as I'm aware, the one and only instance of Goopgut respecting boundaries. Then again, maybe just don't do all that, and instead wash this bit away with videos of cats, or something. Might save you some brain damage. Attritioning through the grueling guck, a bullet-hungry Biosock soon squelches his way to another aesthetic shift, the room this time resembling a cross between a police department locker and a school. We can, at long last (<1 hour), get our ammo fix, snort some Salts, and also find a room with a projector thingy, which is still running despite the decrepitude of the debris-riddled duilding. Projector "I'm Immortal" Thingy is playing a sad Exposition Video backed by Pachebel's canon in minor key. Exposition "Hey, I'm a Story Compensator, Too" Video (narrated by an older-sounding Elizebath) explains some weird ♥♥♥♥. According to said account, Big E was abandoned by Bohner after the Leaning Tower incident, and also she now agrees with Coldrock, too. And she's depressed. "What the hell," Boojie mutters, probably. Or maybe he just stays silent and doesn't comment on the apparent paradox. Around the corner are a set of stairs leading to the lever we needed to yank, I think. We yank said ♥♥♥♥ and get jumpscared by a teleporting Screechyhead, then ambushed by a bunch of CPD cops. Blooj readies his weapons and takes cover in that order, a subtle smile on his energy-shielded lips as he surgically enthiggens their ranks. There also might be some story stuff or something on the screens, idk. Returning to the earlymost area, Hugger enters the elevator and buttons the press, finally leaving Barf Marango's Quietplace.^ There is thereafter a creepy, even more run-down though significantly less enemy-filled room, which we enter for some reason. Ahead there is a higher level and also a distinct lack of stairs, in keeping with the rubble chic vibe. There, a shadowy figure calls out to us, helping us up out of the trouble-strewn ruin. Shockingly, the shadowy figure is actually Excessbread! But older! "Yuck!", no small number of the Puppeteerate exclaim, adding a fresh belch of Mountain Dew-infused BO to their simmering miasma of sweaty whaleness. "♥♥♥♥!" Booger echoes in alarm, before settling back into relative calmness like a particularly placid rhinoceros. "I'm old now, Booger," Old Now says. "It's been ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ forever." "But I was gonna save you. I was right there..." Old Now, blissfully unaware of Blister's definition of "saving", smiles sadly and explains what exactly has happened, wisely trimming all the unimportant bits, like Why and How, in favor of the What. "Timeline ♥♥♥♥," she summarizes. "They've been brainwashing me for decades, and eventually I made like Grandstock's knees and cracked. I'm pretty much Hilter now." Apparently, the snowstorm from earlier was actually a time-traveling snowstorm, and we are now in the future. Yeah, we're adding time travel to this ♥♥♥♥♥. Old shows Batastrophe her shiny new invasion of New York. Then she uses up all her Timespite to send him back in time. *Look, can you think of a fresher reference that's still applicable? And yes, I'm using the same "joke" twice. Bite me. **Maggots? Maggots! Maggots, maggots, maggots. And bits of piss and ♥♥♥♥, in all likelihood, considering their general level of executive functioning and the general dearth of diapers.^ ^Also: don't worry if you don't get the reference, it's unfairly obscure. But do go and watch Garth Marenghi's Darkplace on TouYube. Maybe that way we can salvage a chuckle or two out of this disaster. The Hand of the Prophet The hand is actually a Boat. 1912. I mean, 1918. No, 1912. Pretty sure it was that one. Weooger emerge from the time hole, eyeballs blasted apart by the glittering glow of the golden scene before us, so sharp a break from the previous level you'd easily mistake it for a compound fracture. We sit and bask in the bloomed-out puffy pulchritude for a fat minute, allowing our gamer brains a moment to simmer down from the rolling boil of plot holes/twists and such sudden story-shifting additions as dimension hopping and time travel. Or maybe that's just me. Then we leave, making our way through what seems to be a pre-rubble version of the area we were just in. Or maybe it's an unrelated area, kind of hard to tell. We hear Blueberry screaming, or maybe just and or pass a big glass cage-type-area, where Moniz and Igor are prepping said Imbezzlement for some sort of ♥♥♥♥♥♥-up surgery experiment ♥♥♥♥. "Hey! Letter out!" Bellow eponymizes. But alas, Avail remains absent. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ flake, never shows up when you need him. Borture Device grits his teeth and, in a rare moment of perceptive deduction, follows the giant glowing power-cables that seem to be powering the gLass-Container's set of power-sucking speaker-coils (see Tower, earlier). Suffice it to say, all the king's Handymen and all the king's policemen, couldn't put themselves back together again. Or something like that. Having finished his killing spree, Bumpty-Dumpty dumps his newly re-soaked sock containers across the newly-soaked floor, killing the two technicians apparently hired to just sort of stand there and watch the power lever. Noober flips those thangs faster than a MacDogald's line cook at the grill and rushes back to the Lass chamber. Periwinkle-In-Time, refreed from her sappy-shackles, sends her would-be lobotomists off into the multiverse of deadness, probably. Then there's sort of an awkward moment where Booger has to help Nancy with her dress, or something, and also remove this gross injector-hose-thingy from her back, thereby inflicting upon his unwary puppeteer both primary varieties of cringe in one fell crunge. Or maybe that's just me. Anyway, Powernap has a bit of a tense moment, quite understandably, when Blastard suggests he should confront Conman alone: "I'm going too!" "Nuh-uh, stay here." "Really Booger?" Hoodwinked asks dramatically, popping open another death-hole into tornado-land. "And what exactly are you going to do to stop me?" "I mean...OK...jeez..." Mook mumbles, probably. I honestly don't remember if Booger mentions the whole time-travel side tangent he just returned from, but I guess it won't matter either way, soon enough... (This is the part where you're intrigued. And also reassured in my capabilities as a recounter, too). And so they set off together once more, plowing through another couple pegatonnes of penemies on their way. Outside, it appears we are once more in the general era of Veg Populi v. Bar-Brohydrates, though the Diet War seems to have settled down for the moment. What hasn't settled down is the weather, which rages on moodily whethertheless. After another tough fight, Hero and Heroin board one of the jet-skiff thingies. "♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, so they could've done this at any point?" a certain indignant puppeteer exclaims. The fourth wall's flimsiness aside, the jet launches from its jetty into the stormy skies, sailing slowly toward the hulking form of the Prophet-Hand 2000, Flagstone's flagship. It's actually a blimp. Flagblimp? Before they can reach said Flagblimp, several waves of cops get the hops for B&B's own boat. Unfortunately for them, Booger read this guide and knows that Undertow's alternate attack can send an entire boatload of yet-to-board enemies sailing into the void with a single button press. "Winds howling," Geralt observes, studying the screaming slurry of cold wind around them. Then he vanishes into the ether once more, leaving our own more canonical characters to board the Good Year of Our Lord Blimp by themselves, and that's all the explanation you're getting. Said blimp is so big and bloated that the only way to reach the upper decks is via skyline (floating rail-thingies, for my more cultured readers). Said lines are so overstuffed that the only way to use them is to launch Coddlesmock's collection of Hellpod-wearing Motorized Parrots down toward the distant earth. Really they look like that one scene from Toy Storey with all the Buzz Lightyears sitting in their plastic boxes. Predictably, this takes some time--about enough for a few waves of enemies, which Brave Robber confronts with equal predictability. Things spice up a bit when the Vogue Populace pull up, capybara-like, and start making trouble, capybara-unlike. Overcoming Columbia's horrid transit designer for the umpteenthienstest time, we at last arrive at the upper decks. Within, Mogger makes sure to stop by the easily-missable Comcaptain's quarters. Afterward, he rejoins his pinky-twisting companion and enters the garden-like Central Chamber: A Basin is Here Too, for Some Reason. And there he is. Grandma. I mean Grandpa. Crohnsdisease. "Oh, my child..." he says, or something, and Emery rushes over, though Board lingers back a ways ominously. "Wait what? Wait what's going on? Whaa?" Child rushes, or something like that. Basically she just starts asking questions. Cockletruck soon takes hold of the conversation, however, and begins vaguely implying things. "Oh, if you only knew what I did for you," for instance, and "If you only knew the truth about what he is," for another. Also, "Me? Why, just ask him! Tell her what you did, Dimwitt!", etc. Despite all expectations, this seems to be going pretty well for him, and Eddy begins to give heed. Unfortunately for him, this is where Booger gets angry.

如图：一只愤怒的鼻涕怪 那只狂怒的、血红色的鼻涕怪猛地向前扑去，用他巨大的双手掐住了华盛顿人的喉咙，嘴里喊着一些弗洛伊德式的心理投射，其预示性堪比荣格。“还没完呢！是你绑架了她，抛弃了她，把她锁在那座塔里！你这个狗娘养的！”诸如此类的话。与此同时，艾玛上演着艾美奖级别的表演。“住手，住手！你要杀了他！”诸如此类的话。然而，鼻涕怪继续掐着老家伙，把他的头往旁边的剧情盆上猛撞，然后把他按进水里，水面上顿时血沫翻腾。转眼间，康斯托克就死了。鼻涕怪任由那伤痕累累的身体瘫倒在地，像一头人形河马一样呼哧呼哧地喘着粗气。“太好了！现在我们永远都搞不懂这破剧情到底是怎么回事了！”“终局”惊呼道。“告诉我鼻涕虫，现在我们该怎么处理我的手指？”别管手指了，女士！我们还有99个其他谜团没解决呢？咳咳。 我们的人际紧张系统前往舰桥，那里有虾人的控制台，还有一个叮咚作响的雕像玩意儿。透过舰桥的窗户，鼻涕虫和伊丽莎白看到几艘沃克斯飞艇抵达，十字准星和探照灯扫过上甲板。“杀了先知和他那个蠢女儿！”一个“蔬菜”喊道，这更坚定了他们派系对解放者和她的护卫伙伴的莫名厌恶。考虑到眼前庞大的舰队，即便是我们杰出的杀戮机器，胜算也十分渺茫。接着，钟声机器响起，天空中传来一阵极其熟悉的尖叫声。切尔西惊慌失措地转过身，从那东西里猛地抽出了钟声装置，及时奏响了姜饼双胞胎之歌，从而让博德变得友好起来。在他的帮助下，布格尔在一场高潮战斗中面对汹涌而来的叛军。实际上，他用发电机玩了大约十分钟的塔防游戏。 战斗结束后，我们的二人组利用博德摧毁了那个吸取能量的塔状雕像，埃莉那神一般的力量也随之释放。说真的，他们本来可以早点这么做的。只是说说而已。 门 “我能看到所有的门，还有所有门后面的东西……”

There's always a tall, light-type house... Suddenly, Booger and Elizabreath are in BioShock (2007). The inimitable atmosphere of Walt Disney's Rapture encompasses us, practically dripping with glorious art-deco detail. Actually it is dripping, but that's beside the point. The point is, what the ♥♥♥♥, and look, Bord is outside the window. Well, we know how well Birdie and water get along. Which is to say, not at all. Caught in the terrible crush of the sea, Bird begins to thrash and convulse, filling the water with murky inkiness, eye-lenses cracking until they pop and go dark. RIP. Another door leads to some sort of other-structure. It's a house! A tall house, containing a light. Before them blazes a sunlit sea, filled with thousands upon thousands of such hice, their blazing house-lights gradually accumulating into an astral aggregate sprinkled across the evening sky hanging above. Boardwalks snap together as they walk across the water, Jesusly. "OK, what the ♥♥♥♥ is going on?" Beelzebub blubbs. Undeterred by Laggard's well-established intellect, Ellen proceeds to explain the quantum conundrum: "They're all the doors," she says, gesturing at the impressive backdrop. "Doord to other worlds. Constants and variables. Some things change, some things stay the same. Alphonse Karr." "Constants?" "There's always a man, there's always a city, and there's always some sort of, um...you know those houses with the lights in them?" "Yeah. But variables?" "Like, in this universe you're really stupid and annoying, for example, but in another universe you're just kind of stupid and annoying--and the plot makes marginally more sense!" "So which universe is canon?" "The one where 2K kept producing BioShock games instead of turning into EA Lite." "Ouch." A few wooden lego-sets later, we go through another light-like house. This one leads us to a large but not enormous river-type region, occupied currently by some sort of baptism club (led, incidentally, by the same old waterboard enthusiast from the beginning). At first, Booger's primitive brain is enraptured by the scene, immediately reenacting his old actions. It kind of gives the general impression of a memory. Maybe that's just cause they added a desaturated filter for some reason. Booger breaks free at the last minute, prompting Lizard to ask him some unimportant question I have quite frankly forgotten. Strangely enough, they head for what looks to be a Shrek-type outhouse, but the door is another teleporter--or maybe Ellizahah can just turn any door into a teleporter. Maybe she's trying to be conservative with her space-holes? Turns out the teledoor just puts them back a dozen meters or so. "Huh? Why we here two time?" "All roads lead here, Booger." "'Kay." Then BOogiegercounter's nose sharts blood and his vision goes all fuzzy-wuzzy, static-like. "Your nose, Booger. It's bleeding," Ellie says, oddly menacingly. "It does that sometimes," Booger observes (does this count as a pun?) Then, "Oh ♥♥♥♥. Wait. That must mean..." What it must mean, dear reader, is that he's from another dimension, kind of but not exactly like those half-dead nosebleed feeple from earlier. The door takes us to a sequence of exposition elucidations. We're Booger, back in his office in Ynew Nyork, holding his baby. A man at the door knocks, repeating the lines we've heard every time we died. Or actually more like a third of the times we've died, since the other instances were prevented with a shot of Bucker Fuel. "Give us the girl!" the man calls. "Mister Dimwitt!" "But I done wanna," Bugger says. Fizzy eyes him impassively. "Wait here all you want. You'll have to do it eventually," Levine comments. I mean, Elliebereavie. They're right, of course. You really do have to hand off your baby to some random door-to-door salesman. Another door, and suddenly we're in the ♥♥♥♥♥♥ little rowboat from the beginning. "Bring us the girl and wipe away the debt!" Accuserbest calls, still in that strangy angrely voice. In case you weren't aware, the whole "bring girl wipe debt" thing is sort of this game's catchphrase. And I don't say that facetiously, since I honestly don't know how often or whether at all I've brought it up. Also, can games have catchphrases? Back on topic, Ballstone scrambles his deep-fried cognitive clockwork, slowly fitting the pieces into place. Another few Exposition Expos, and they finally snap together (Booger, you see, was never what you could call a Lego Kid). We see Booger chasing Oldstock through a spacehole, trying to retrieve his swaddled baby: "No, I take it back! Take-back! Pwetty pwease? Blub blub blub. Waaah!" OK, fine, he didn't say that. Pretty close though. Despite being younger and stronger than Clokroc, Booger still manages to lose the tug-of-war. In fact, he only managed to delay Dadstock's tugging long enough to Doctor-Strange his own daughter's pinky finger clean off as the portal snaps closed. Booger raises his branded hand. "A.D..." "Anna Dimwitt." That's right, folks. Eleanor Comstock, formerly Anna Dimwitt, is Booger's own daughter.** By now I believe we have returned to the same watery river Shrek-type place from before, though this time there's no baptism club. Presently, additional Eleanors appear from out of frame, apparently teleporting in from all across the multiverse. "He's Booger Dimwitt." "He's Zatchery Codstrok." Booger looks around, composing his ultimate comment. "No... I'm both." Then they drown him. To death. Just one little Booger, drowned. Apparently that undoes the entire multiverse of Boogers and Codclocks, despite the fact that there would be an infinite number of them so regardless of however many Elizas were drowning however many Boogers there would still be more, unless literally every Booger ends up getting drowned by their Eli even though we see that it takes multiple Elies to drown one Bloodbath, and despite the fact that our Bog is ostensibly just one of an infinite set as opposed to the "first" or something like that, and setting aside the fact that this seems to imply that all it takes to undo the Columbia multiverse is for all Boogers to die, which really means it should've been undone already since they will all die of one cause or another, except of course it's implied here that this exact drowning scenario is occurring throughout the Columbiaverse even though the variation inherent in alternate worlds should mean such a specific scenario won't always occur, so maybe all it takes is enough of the Boogers to die at the specific point in time just prior to when they would have the "coin flip" moment leading them to become either an uber-racist or an alcoholic degenerate, which itself seems a contrived scenario--those are really the only two possible outcomes after BB's PTSD? We see all the murderous Elizebaths fade away into presumable nonexistence, nicely synchronized with soft piano notes, until just one remains. Cut to black.* And that, technically speaking, is indeed the end. Also, just ignore that giant run-on text wall for now since I haven't established a lot of it. Don't worry--the next section will be me explaining all this to the best of my abilities. So maybe go look up a summary. In Summary:

这意味着最终的伊丽莎白以某种方式存活了下来，尽管她刚刚被证实是布格尔的女儿，而且考虑到必须不再有任何上述布格尔存在（假设哥伦比亚的多重宇宙子集确实已经崩溃），她可能应该从存在中被抹去。没错。 回到起点（或者说，总结一下） 好了各位，让我们最后再做一次。 好吧，我刚刚被定罪了，所以在联邦调查局找到我隐藏的地下室并把我长期监禁之前，我想我还是为你们这些忘恩负义的家伙把所有的事情都了结了吧。把以下内容看作不是一个故事，而是一系列叙事元素的集合，这些元素可以互换和相互连接，从而允许无限的解读，并能轻松避免讨厌的“剧情漏洞”。我称之为叙事巨积木。 很久以前，有个叫布格尔·迪姆维特的人。他曾在美国军队服役，并参加过伤膝河战役（顺便说一下，这是一场真实存在的战役）。显然，其他一些士兵因为认为他有部分美洲原住民血统而欺负他。于是，为了洗刷所谓的荣誉污点，他陷入疯狂，在那场战役中屠杀了许多美洲原住民。后来，他感觉有点难受，于是在去参加这场洗礼仪式前磨蹭了一会儿，希望能感觉好点。那个施洗的家伙一个劲儿地问：“你感觉难受吗？你想重生吗？” 博格回答：“其实，不想。” 在那之后，他成了一名平克顿侦探（这也是现实中存在的事物，是专门破坏工会的雇佣兵），开始酗酒、赌博，最终搬到了纽约，成了一名私家侦探。不知从什么时候起，他有了一个女儿，但孩子的母亲似乎已经去世或者离开了。到这时，他的债务已经到了极其严重的地步，突然有个男人出现，提出只要博格交出他年幼的女儿，就帮他还清——或者说一笔勾销——所有债务。作为一个废物，布格尔自然同意了。

这简直是精神病行为。 我们退一步说。你知道我之前说布格尔拒绝了洗礼那件事吧？其实在大约一半的现实中（可以去了解一下“多世界理论”），他确实接受了洗礼。而且是非常彻底地接受了，甚至重塑了自己，变成了一个全新的人：扎切里·黑尔·考克布洛克。尽管他有着不同颜色的眼睛和不同的脸型，但这都不重要了。

重生为克洛特劳特后，他把自己塑造成了某种宗教人物。最终，他拥有——或者声称拥有——一个名为哥伦比亚的天使的幻象，天使告诉他要建造一座飞行城市，诸如此类。

如图：哥伦比亚的标记图片 不知是走了什么宇宙好运，他碰巧遇到了韦斯莱双胞胎。出于某种原因，这对双胞胎简直是超级天才，竟然在1893年就发明了量子传送技术和世界传送门。没错。诡计多端的科克科克和他们达成了协议：他们让他的新城市飞起来，他就给他们很多钱。不清楚他从哪里弄来那么多钱，但事情就是这样。很快，这座城市就飞了起来。克拉克崔普想要一个继承人，尤其是在哥伦比亚与美国决裂之后。问题是，他患有严重的不育症，这可能是因为接触了那些乱七八糟的量子技术（不过这也说不通，如果真是这样，哥伦比亚所有人都应该不孕不育才对）。于是，他想出了一个计划：从另一个版本的自己那里偷走一个孩子，然后把这个孩子带到哥伦比亚。我的意思是哥伦比亚。这样一来，严格来说，这仍然是他的孩子。当然，更严格地说，并不是，但管他呢。 现在双方见面了。Booger同意卖掉他的孩子，而Comslop买下了她。但Booger突然改变了主意，导致了“安娜”失去手指的传送门事件。作为耻辱的印记，Booger将她的名字缩写（A.D.）烙在了自己的手背上，确保自己永远不会忘记她。然后他很快就把她忘了。 过了一会儿，Lettuce Twins因为知道太多而被Comstuck低调暗杀了。天哪，最好希望你的量子破烂技术永远不需要升级或维修！先不谈长期规划能力，这场暗杀行动像漫威电影一样搞砸了。那台被破坏的量子装置让两名受害者获得了超能力，具体来说，他们能传送之类的。 双胞胎渴望复仇，于是去找了布格尔——或者说，是在酒精和堕落生活中长期浸泡后，仅存的那点他。他们把他带到了哥伦比亚所在的另一个世界，依靠一种便利的现象：这类行为总能在外维度访客脑中生成虚假记忆（这是小说中常见的“大脑试图解释”类设定之一）。因此，布格的大脑将这种情况合理化，认为这不过是平克顿侦探社的另一项任务——这次是绑架一个女孩来偿还他的酒债。随后便发生了上述那些胡闹的事情。 这种模式显然已经重复发生了成千上万次，构成了《生化奇兵》多元宇宙中一个更广泛的分支。显然，通过将布格送回那个关键的洗礼选择之前的时间点，然后在那里杀死他，埃莉诺就能以某种方式逆转这一切……尽管我们已经确定“布格”（笨蛋A变体）已经过了那个时间点。为什么不杀死所有的康霍克（B变体，那个真正作恶的家伙），或者那些还没做出选择的拳击手，甚至是第一个笨蛋——如果真有这么个东西的话？在这款破游戏里，大家到底为啥要做那些事啊？还能为啥！因为量子力学呗！因为薛定谔的猫女士呗！因为那是鸟，是飞机，是叠加态！因为……呃，我猜大概是因为某些原因吧。听着…… 我也不知道该怎么跟你说，但我基本上就是个笨蛋。我知道，我知道。这很难让人相信。但这就是事实。有医学证明，我妈当年要是没少吃那颗特定的药，她都该被抓起来了。不过话说回来，我们还是玩得挺开心的，对吧？还记得那次我讲了个超烂的笑话吗？还有那次你轻轻用鼻子呼气，结果把鼻屎细菌全弄到我攻略上了？ “可这还是说不通啊！”我听到你在抗议了。嗯，代数也说不通啊，但我们还不是都假装自己懂了。那么，看在往日情分上，有些问题还是别问为好！或者说些诸如此类的陈词滥调吧！ 但我还是要重申：布克变成康斯托克并建立了哥伦比亚——一个充斥着种族主义和奴隶制的暴力之地——归根结底是因为他对自己的种族主义行为和杀人行径感到愧疚。

简直是小丑行径。 各位，故事到此结束。这就是完整的故事，独一无二的叙事，精彩的寓言，有趣的消遣，由本人为您准确而迅速讲述的——“胆汁袜无限公司”“圣经时间涡轮”“肠道阻塞无限”《生化奇兵：无限》，已澄清、提炼并净化了所有情节漏洞、牵强设定和未解之谜。如果你居然看到了这里，建议寻求专业帮助。