This will teach you how to play Part 1: Humble beginnings I grew up on a farm, where i raised my own cattle. Though you'll never guess what i did next. Before i knew it, I was a beef farmer. I came from very poor rural, Nigeria background, we always had a cow for milk. We had goats and pigs. And we had a chicken farm. I have never had formal education. I started managing the business. My employees started coming. We got more cows. We developed a proper business. Soon, my businesses was developing, I was selling beef to hotels, churches and schools. At one time, I was transporting beef to London, It was all good until people started complaining that it was beef. See more photos from Salami's journey below: Leave a Comment… comments The post 3 children drive me nuts, but i feed them 3 meals a day – Man who grew up on a farm appeared first on INFORMATION NIGERIA. Follow us on twitter @NigeriaTodayNG Also, Like us on facebook This post was syndicated from INFORMATION NIGERIA. Click here to read the full article. Part 2: Dungeons and dragons I was an ordinary guy until yesterday. You see yesterday i became the only male employee in the country with a ladies name, all my colleagues were named after their mothers. When i asked the lady who worked as my secretary why she named me Yinka, she said its my father's name. A simple chap i am, when i asked my mother why she named me that, she said she didnt want to have 3 Yinkis in the family, I agreed with her. When i asked her where my first name came from, she said Yinka was the name of the first great Batahewn ruler from my homeland. I decided to make a name for myself in life and so i applied to have the name recorded in the digital databank and printed on my birth certificate. So while everyone was celebrating around me, i just sat quietly in my office and the name of Yinka Yedennaya seems to have gotten stuck in my mouth. No more jokes guys, this is a serious question from the cocach. The Nigerian Psychiatric Association has been working on the lives and deaths of people who have contacted with and fallen ill from IPOB or the Movement for the actualization of the independent Biafra and what they have recommended is very interesting and I'm sure if implemented, would change the course of history as we know it. What they suggested is this; i can take the blood sample of a person from the Jaja of Onitsha at the College of Medicine. I can also take the blood sample of a child of the Ozoigboroughene of Abia state who is running around Maiduguri like a mad person and the specimen would be sent to the University of West London for the purpose of preserving and testing for the existence of the HIV virus in the blood and for that matter in the genome. As soon as it is confirmed that the blood sample is positive for the virus, a request can be made to the University of Liverpool and the blood Part 3: My confession My name is John Santiago Jenkins Arrowana Christmas The 3rd. I own the biggest chain of Cow farms in the entirety of europe. My wife took the kids. I am not allowed to be less than 100 meters away from a school and I have a DUI. This, is my confession. For 30 years now, I have been forced by my brother in law, Johnson Jr. Pollationes Sanvarajo, to hide a meth lab in each of my farms. I have been forced to launder his money and I regret it. It all started in the summer of '93. It was a nice sunny day outside and I was starting to make a lot of money. I had a beautiful wife, three children: Two boys, Carl and Sylvester, and a beautiful daughter, who my wife named Trixie. I loved them all very much, but that summer day, I began to lose them. My brother in law, Johnson, had been a good friend of mine for a long time, or at least I saw him like that back then... That day, he came up with a rather interesting bussines idea... He told me it was legal... That it was only 'pharmaceuticals'... Damn pig... I trusted him, for he was an ex cop, before he got shot in the knee with a T-5AA marksman anti air weapon (My brother in law is inbred, also a giant). He asked me to build a big underground room under each of my farms, in those rooms he would build a lab to make "pharmaceuticals for his company", as he said to me. That all sounded like easy money to young me, legal, too, I thought... I did as he said and he also, did as he said... Soon enough I had a meth lab under each of my farms without me even knowing they were meth labs... The moment I found out, I was pissed, I asked Johnson to clear out the rooms, but that angered him, which led to him doing a Hulk smash on my 300 million dollars mansion. "You don't want to see me angry, little man, oh no you don't... You... Will do.... as I... Say!" I learned at that moment what pissing, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ and puking all at the same time feels like... Ever since that summer day in '93, I haven't had time to spend with my family and when my wife figured out what was truly going on... She tried to murder me... which led to me connecting a right hook directly into her jaw... She was knocked out... She then left me and got a restraining order against me, saying that I am a violent man... ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥... I miss my kids... That led to me playing with the kids at the schools in my hometown, Ljubljana, Slovenia. I am now not allowed to be less than 100 meters near a school after defending myself from a violent, angry group of toddlers, which tried to stab me with plastic knives. I almost killed them. Gladly, I have a good lawyer, Ricky Badman... This was my confession... I am currently in my 2 billion dollars mansion from Kosovo. The moment you'll find me, I'll already be dead... Either by my own hand... Or in cold blood by my brother in law... Part 4: Of Dragons and Kings As a Nigerian scientist, I am pleased to announce a groundbreaking discovery that has the potential to change the world as we know it. After years of research and experimentation, my team and I have discovered how to walk. This discovery has been a long time coming, and it has the potential to revolutionize the way we move and travel. Walking is a basic human function that we take for granted, but it is essential to our daily lives. With this discovery, we can improve the mobility and quality of life of people everywhere. The process of discovering how to walk has been a challenging one, but it has been a journey that I will never forget. We started by studying the anatomy of the human body, and we analyzed the way that muscles, bones, and joints work together to create movement. We then began experimenting with various combinations of movements, and we eventually stumbled upon the perfect formula for walking. It was a moment of pure joy and elation when we realized what we had accomplished. This discovery will have a significant impact on the world of science and medicine, and we hope that it will lead to further breakthroughs in the field of human mobility. We believe that this is just the beginning of a new era of scientific advancement, and we are excited to see what the future holds. In conclusion, the discovery of how to walk is a significant achievement that has the potential to change the world. We are proud to have been a part of this groundbreaking research, and we look forward to sharing our findings with the world. Part 5: The Happening Dear diary, Today was amazing! I went to the park and saw a family of ducks waddling around. They were so cute and fluffy, and I just wanted to take them all home with me. I tried to get closer to them, but they just swam away. I don't blame them, I'm a little scary-looking when I get excited. I've been obsessed with ducks lately. I started collecting rubber duckies, and now I have over 50 of them. My friends think it's weird, but I don't care. Ducks are the coolest animals ever. I even made a duck costume for Halloween last year, and I think I'm going to wear it again this year. My parents don't understand my love for ducks either. They keep telling me to focus on my studies and stop wasting my time on silly things. But they just don't get it. Ducks make me happy, and I need them in my life. I'm thinking about starting a duck club at school. We could do duck-themed crafts and activities, and maybe even go on field trips to see real ducks in the wild. I just need to find some other duck enthusiasts who share my passion. I even wrote a poem about them! Here it is! In ponds and lakes, they love to swim, A feathered friend so plump and trim, They quack and waddle with great ease, These feathered creatures we call geese. But ducks are special, quite unique, Their webbed feet are what we seek, They paddle fast and gracefully, In water deep or shallowly. Their beaks are pointed, flat or round, And on their heads, a crest is found, In colors bright, they make us smile, A sight to see, even from a mile. Oh ducks, oh ducks, so cute and dear, With feathers soft and crystal clear, In ponds and parks, you bring us joy, Our feathered friends, so bright and coy. Anyway, I should probably get back to studying now. But before I go, I just wanted to say one thing: quack, quack, quack! Part 6: Return of the Jedi Adam Sandler is funny. Anyone who says otherwise is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ LIAR!!!! HE IS HILARIOUS!!! YOU BUTTWIPES CANT SEE THE TRUTH!! Okay so why is he funny? Number 1. The way he acts is just funny! I relate to him a lot tbh... Number 2. He is a bit of a loser (A lovable one!!!) and this causes me to be able to relate to him a lot. And the Jokes he makes add to it! NUmber 3. He looks funny. Number 4. WAwaWaAWAWaWAWAwAwawaAAWAW Help Okay so what's the deal with air........................................................... I can't breathe too well........................... Glad i've been given a husband XOXO . .................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... Part 7: Billy Bob Chicken Cheese I have been to walmart before. I know the prices. I know the stock prices. You can't fool me. You can't. Your ♥♥♥♥♥♥ NFTS wont fool me, I hate the grinch and the communistic era that the us is going through. I have been through 57 world wars and my balalalalalaingiangingihngingingngingihng Hello! I am Dr. Sanchez Romero. I am here to tell you about beef burgers. They are very tasty! I have them for breakfast, for supper, for dinner.. Yet I am still not as morbidly obese as y- hELLO1 i aM dR. sANCHEZ rOMERO. i aM hERE tO tELL yOU aBOUT bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb As I was saying... I have been to walmart before and I can safely say that it is the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ store i've ever walked in! I mean, I'd rather not buy things than go to walmart! Like that place ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ sucks, It's almost as bad as that one place which is almost as bad as walmart! Honestly, I think we should just get rid of every walmart and replace it with a glorious and beautiful bar in the honor of the great motherland, rest in piece the USSR, we will never forget you! Hi, I'm Jimmy John Bob and I hate commies! I hate the reds! Hell! I hate red!! I mean, not like there's any other place to make it in, everyone knows that the US is the only place on earth! My apologies, dear reader, the quality of the writing in this guide has considerably gone downhill! anyways, all you gotta do in Bear, vodka, stalingrad! is to shoot people in stalingrad and drink vodka! You got this comrade! Now sit back and relax, you are ready for Bear, Vodka, Stalingrad!